Rain

With my tears, I could flood a whole city.

I always paid attention to you.

April 22nd I cut that lifeline.

I cut you out of my life.

I was your line.

Emotions poured out like a river running wild, transforming into a tsunami and breaking the rules around love and the living.

Cascading through the area and hoping the glue melts away.

I held you up and gave you my energy.

You floated away and came back with new sight.

I see not your blue eyes.

I see not your grey eyes.

I see not your green eyes.

I can’t stop this!

I need to explode, rather implode on myself. I’m expressing today, I’m expressing.

At my knees, my tears caress my calves. The fragrance is cherry…I used to kiss you with cherry flavoured Carmex.

I lay on my bed and feel my tears submerge my thoughts.

9 times out of 10 I’m in my feelings…

With the negative memories you left behind, I lift the roof off my home and let the tears of the hurt ones pour in like rain.

I’m weighed down to the bed as my heart is heavy and drowning in memories seems fitting.

Incomplete

I find that you can be anything you want to be.

Speak it. Yes!

I saw a rainbow appear after a flash flood. As quick as it came, it was photographed and stored around the world. #Rainbow #Colour #Smile

Do you like to read?

I made pancakes this morning for breakfast.

I called Mother and she answered on the 3^rd ring.

I reviewed the 268 blocked numbers on my WhatsApp and I unblocked 1.

Checked my phone for nothing in particular.

SWOT analysis bitch, I’m branding on those cookies!

I listened to Love Drought by Beyonce over 34 times today. I thought about you first and then him after. I considered unblocking you, but you’re a spineless cunt and while I don’t hate you – I don’t need you drowning my existence with your fake perception of life.

I tell myself daily, ‘Unique, remember who you are.’

Are You Awake?

When I’m alone with my thoughts wishing our world was better, I think about you.

It’s dark in our country at this moment in time and I know you’re at home, eyes open and head down.

I would pray you call, but I remember your faults. And prayer is a conversation with myself.

You beat down my soul and drowned me in your lies. Water puts out fire it’s true, but ice can also burn through flesh.

I picture your tainted bar; you know the one you pissed on with your weaknesses. I recall that leash around your neck, only allowed you to commute to your office, home and wherever the Boss commanded you.

Are you awake?

Of course, you hiss desperation into the air and blow that through to my ears. Then you cry alone under the safety of a user for an employee.

I remember the mornings you beeped into my private space…scattered messages, deeper lies and flattened truths.

Let me tell you, the lies you spawned this time last year have already manifested over what you claim to fly with. When yet another drains your existence, you’ll wish you were sleeping eternally.

In satisfactory memory of the worm that wiggled its way through my fruit bowl.

We Called it New

We matched online.

After clicking for time.

We exchanged numbers right away.

ASMR, smoothies and happiness in common.

I hesitate sometimes, like on our first virtual date. I don’t feel good enough for you, I feel like you can do better.

You tell me I’m beautiful and I don’t believe you.

New is the name.

Silent

Night.

Heat

The heat is nice during the daytime, I can open my windows and enjoy the breeze.

However, you fucking disrespectful cunts smoke weed, and the pungent smell lingers through my windows, into my home.

Then you have the audacity to complain and tweet #WhereisBorris? Where is your fucking manners?

I don’t recall stating I’m happy that you smoke weed outside and encourage it to linger around! Honestly, would you like it if I poured bleach all over your dwellings? Do you like the smell of bleach with a hint of lemon?

I had to close my window, all of them!

I had to sit inside with the ever-increasing heat and the decreasing coverings of clothes from my body.

I dislike your disregard for my need for fresh cool air.

Just because you wish to fill your lungs with shit, does not mean that I share your style of living.

Heat!

When you create a small flame to light the end of your death stick.

Heat!

When its summertime in the United Kingdom and the sun is shining.

Heat!

When I must shut all my windows to prevent your addiction flowing through my space.

Heat!

My temper right now, I’ve had enough.

Sunday with You

I picture a Sunday morning I wake up with you.

You’re so interesting, I would like to know everything about you.

From your crazy hair to the deepest thoughts that invade your mind.

After COVID19 has left our lives, I want to become a part of your time.

Thank you for calling last night…

Wednesday Welp

I messed up yesterday, the day before that and last week if I’m being honest – a matter of fact.

I was supposed to be working on three short stories, but I’ve been doing nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

I’m constantly bombarded with the problems of others and it drains my energy and blocks my creative output.

It’s easy for many to say, ‘Don’t answer the phone, ignore them!’ but it’s hard for me to do. I realise now, I’m going to have to if I want to succeed in this life.

This is crazy, I try to be here for everyone, but it ends up meaning that I’m never here for myself.

Tuesday Tantrum

I like when we talk but I hate waiting until evening.

I wanna see you now, but Rona said NO!

I feel kinda alone in my lil box home and no amount of time on video calls, seem to make loneliness feel gone.

Tuesday

I’m alive, I’m grateful.

Monday Madness

Did I wake up, or was I still asleep?

Was I drinking last night, or did I just sleep?

When did our friendship die, I remember 10 months ago but it feels like recently?

Can you break through the wall that leads up to my heart and resuscitate me?

Was I horrible to you in a previous life?

Do you love my voice more than you love my soul?

Are we still aware of one another?

‘There’s really no end, there’s really no beginning.’ – Jhene Aiko

Sunday Snooze

I woke up at 0430 (GMT)

I woke up at 0730 (GMT)

I woke up at 11:30 (GMT)

I woke up at 1539 (GMT)

I woke up at 17:03 (GMT)

Currently, I’m sitting up in bed watching another episode of ‘My 600lb Life.’ While eating a homemade Biscoff cheesecake.

Friday Fatigue

I woke up at 0400 (GMT) showered, smeared olive oil over my body, dressed and went out.

At 0600 (GMT) I walked through the entrance of a supermarket and purchased the following:

VGTRN BURGERS
VGTRN BURGERS
VGTRN BURGERS
BBQ PIZZA
BBQ PIZZA
FROZEN FRUIT
FROZEN FRUIT
QUORN BITES
ALPRO YOFU
ALPRO YOFU
FLORA
FLORA
DRINK
DRINK
DRINK
RAPESEED OIL
TINNED FRUIT
TINNED FRUIT
TINNED FRUIT
COCONUT OIL
GREEN CHILLIES
AIRWICK REFILL
AIRWICK FRESH
CRUMPETS
CIF CREAM
SPICY NOODLES
SPICY NOODLES
SPICY NOODLES
POTATO CHIPS
POTATO CHIPS
GLASS RAMEKIN
GLASS RAMEKIN
QUORN BURGERS
STORK MARG
ALPRO YOGURT
ALPRO CUSTARD

I packed everything into one grey backpack, a cooler bag and a large eco-friendly bag. I carried everything home, disinfected the fridge and packed everything away.

After I ate the Quorn ‘chicken’ burgers, I remembered I had forgotten to purchase icing sugar. I ventured back out and after 45-minute walk, I ended up at a 4^th supermarket – apparently, everyone is baking and they’re all sold out. However, in the 4^th store, I found icing sugar.

Another chunk of time elapsed and there I was watching ‘My 600lb Life,’ via YouTube and drifting to sleep.

I woke up a short while ago and saw two missed calls from Mother. Followed by a WhatsApp message about Ozark on Netflix. Currently, I’m typing up a brief account of my day, eyes slowly closing…