Category: Ghetto Star: Pleasure & Pain

Detached & Delusional

He let me down with the constant plethora of lies.

His lips once kissed both my lips, are now the symbol of his evil core.

I thought I had died in the period of December 2023, but then I realised he was always this way, the devil I refused to see.

The time passed, and I stopped watching the clock, the tick, tick, tick and the views on TikTok. Down a rabbit hole, I crawled further along the moss-green-covered walls, and in the end, I found more darkness in the form of evil spores. His spores floated around the city, temporarily affixed to others. He became a whore in many ways, from his mind to his toxic heart.

I used to wish for more from him and only him.

Because he fed me tiny droplets of hope, and like the delusional partial girlfriend, I drank it up.

It has taken me a long time, but I have finally escaped.

Now, I drink lemon water from a glass and hold hands with my future. I stare into trusting eyes, and I know one day we will meet our son.

Once, I gave my partial boyfriend, aka the devil whore of addicts, my undivided attention and unconditional love. In exchange for? Less than the bare minimum.

Then, in January, a grey-blue phoenix swooped down through my window and sprinkled common sense in my eyes. To such a phenomenal woman, I value you beyond words that can be transcribed.

Out of Office: 28.01.2023

I arrived late on Wednesday and was upset.

I walked into an unoccupied room and let the tears flow to a man I don’t have much respect for – a man who has treated me like shit and stepped out of his role into a cloud of ignorance.

I was crying due to a range of emotions festering in my mind. After all, who wants to listen to the negative aspects of your life? Like, I am going through a lot right now, and my head was about to explode. Surprisingly, it helped. Thank you.

Then followed the slurry of colleagues asking more than once, ‘are you okay?’

I had not slept in over 24 hours, and my body felt like shutting down. My eyes flickered shut on the cusp of five-minute intervals, and I struggled to complete my shift. I understand some people have good intentions; however, after I have answered you twice! Why would you ask another three times?

Sometimes, you should read the space and mind your business.

Regards,

Unique

Out of Office: 19.01.2023

Thursday, 19 January 2023

14:07

I returned to work on Tuesday after taking one day off sick due to poor mental health.

I had people who don’t usually communicate with me outside of work, sending unsolicited messages—asking questions under the guise of concern.

On Wednesday, one said to me, ‘Are you okay? Because you don’t seem yourself!’

Me: ‘Yes, I’m fine, thanks for asking.’

Idiot: ‘Are you sure? Because you don’t seem yourself!’

Me: ‘I’m fine. Thank you.’

Idiot: ‘Are you sure? You just don’t seem yourself at all. I’m here if you need anything. If you need to talk, I mean, I’m, I’m right, here okay.’

Me: ‘I’m fine. Thank you.’

I mean, a return to work was completed with my Line Manager, So why do others feel they are now competent enough or even wanted in my personal space? Why do they feel entitled to know why I was off work? Even when I’ve politely shut the topic down, they still push for information.

I could not wait to get out and finish my shift. Yes, there are many obvious reasons for being employed. However, self-employment is the true path for me.

Others say they mean well; they’re just looking out for you. But I never ticked a box to say, hey, I accept nosey fake doctors in my life. We’re not even close like that – never have been, never will.

In addition to the above, I would not have returned if I did not feel ready, nor would I disclose my reasons for being off sick. In short, leave me the fuck alone.

Kind regards

Unique

Suffering – 18.12.2021

I am lying in bed, allowing my thoughts to fuel my anxiety.

I’m feeling a great deal of stress today, so forgive my absence. I think my phone will be turned off most of the time.

No one understands the pressure and expectations. No one appreciates that I’m one woman – I need a hug, not a demand.

The majority of my time is spent doing things for others. Many vultures circle my life, waiting to pick at my essence when I’m not 100%

E.g. I volunteer between work/research – I wasn’t available yesterday, as I was working. The organiser sent a rude email about ‘why?’ I replied articulately, and she apologised. **Why is there a sense of entitlement around the gifts I bring to those around my circles

Sometimes I need space from everyone.

Sometimes I need a break from my thoughts.

Sometimes I need a Tuesday to be alone.

📵

❤️

I love you all. I need some time…

Crow: Breadcrumbs – 13.11.2021

It is when an old flame drops crumbs like I’ve told him my name is Gretel.

Crow has stored each one.

It’s like I trusted you again and this time from a better place.

Crow placed them in preparation, though rotting, he held on to them.

Today I mourn the loss of something that I thought was good. Rest in Peace, my friend.

The future

I swear on my life, everything is true. I saw Crow stuffing two people with breadcrumbs

He chanted, ‘Queen Unique is number one.

He chanted, ‘he’s nothing, my Queen, you’re the one. Everybody else is two to three. You’re the one!’

Two bodies lay at the base of a large rock

Stuffed with breadcrumbs

Stuffed with stale breadcrumbs

They were stuffed with disgusting stale breadcrumbs that were left for Queen Unique to consume.

Crow tilted his head to the left and whispered, ‘Did you forget that my Queen is a Baker?’

 …

The ovens were hot and large enough for two.

Inside they baked and bubbled and hissed.

Outside Queen Unique dismissed – the regret that tried to bring her back to the rules of that life.

Even after the ping, the flames continued to bring joy.

‘Fuck that liar, fuck his purpose and fuck his crumbs. I’m done.’ – Queen Unique

Suffering – 30.10.2021

We came close to life; only death snatched you away.

Had we been brave enough to say, ‘I love you.’ Maybe, we would have spent these last months together.

I’m sorry I closed my heart off to love. I carry a rock of guilt with me, and it rubs against my heart with every fast beat.

I apologise for being cold with you.

Rest in peace, my love.