Category: Ghetto Star: Pleasure & Pain

Suffering – 18.12.2021

I am lying in bed, allowing my thoughts to fuel my anxiety.

I’m feeling a great deal of stress today, so forgive my absence. I think my phone will be turned off most of the time.

No one understands the pressure and expectations. No one appreciates that I’m one woman – I need a hug, not a demand.

The majority of my time is spent doing things for others. Many vultures circle my life, waiting to pick at my essence when I’m not 100%

E.g. I volunteer between work/research – I wasn’t available yesterday, as I was working. The organiser sent a rude email about ‘why?’ I replied articulately, and she apologised. **Why is there a sense of entitlement around the gifts I bring to those around my circles

Sometimes I need space from everyone.

Sometimes I need a break from my thoughts.

Sometimes I need a Tuesday to be alone.

📵

❤️

I love you all. I need some time…

Crow: Breadcrumbs – 13.11.2021

It is when an old flame drops crumbs like I’ve told him my name is Gretel.

Crow has stored each one.

It’s like I trusted you again and this time from a better place.

Crow placed them in preparation, though rotting, he held on to them.

Today I mourn the loss of something that I thought was good. Rest in Peace, my friend.

The future

I swear on my life, everything is true. I saw Crow stuffing two people with breadcrumbs

He chanted, ‘Queen Unique is number one.

He chanted, ‘he’s nothing, my Queen, you’re the one. Everybody else is two to three. You’re the one!’

Two bodies lay at the base of a large rock

Stuffed with breadcrumbs

Stuffed with stale breadcrumbs

They were stuffed with disgusting stale breadcrumbs that were left for Queen Unique to consume.

Crow tilted his head to the left and whispered, ‘Did you forget that my Queen is a Baker?’

 …

The ovens were hot and large enough for two.

Inside they baked and bubbled and hissed.

Outside Queen Unique dismissed – the regret that tried to bring her back to the rules of that life.

Even after the ping, the flames continued to bring joy.

‘Fuck that liar, fuck his purpose and fuck his crumbs. I’m done.’ – Queen Unique

Suffering – 30.10.2021

We came close to life; only death snatched you away.

Had we been brave enough to say, ‘I love you.’ Maybe, we would have spent these last months together.

I’m sorry I closed my heart off to love. I carry a rock of guilt with me, and it rubs against my heart with every fast beat.

I apologise for being cold with you.

Rest in peace, my love.