I don't write. I create.
My back hurts.
I sprouted wings that said, FUCK YOU!
I plucked a feather, and it screamed in my face.
I wanted us to be two.
However, your intentions served only you.
I burned the feather, and it darkened but continued to scream.
FUCK YOU, honestly, if you know what I mean.
I am lying in bed, allowing my thoughts to fuel my anxiety.
I’m feeling a great deal of stress today, so forgive my absence. I think my phone will be turned off most of the time.
No one understands the pressure and expectations. No one appreciates that I’m one woman – I need a hug, not a demand.
The majority of my time is spent doing things for others. Many vultures circle my life, waiting to pick at my essence when I’m not 100%
E.g. I volunteer between work/research – I wasn’t available yesterday, as I was working. The organiser sent a rude email about ‘why?’ I replied articulately, and she apologised. **Why is there a sense of entitlement around the gifts I bring to those around my circles
Sometimes I need space from everyone.
Sometimes I need a break from my thoughts.
Sometimes I need a Tuesday to be alone.
📵
❤️
I love you all. I need some time…
How I long for the cog that turns and triggers a new system!
For an income appreciative of the god-like blessings I bestow on many lives around.
Yes! My status is minus.
-Love
-Time
I’m in the red.
Sometimes I wonder why my success is determined by your happiness?
It is when an old flame drops crumbs like I’ve told him my name is Gretel.
Crow has stored each one.
It’s like I trusted you again and this time from a better place.
Crow placed them in preparation, though rotting, he held on to them.
Today I mourn the loss of something that I thought was good. Rest in Peace, my friend.
The future
I swear on my life, everything is true. I saw Crow stuffing two people with breadcrumbs
He chanted, ‘Queen Unique is number one.
He chanted, ‘he’s nothing, my Queen, you’re the one. Everybody else is two to three. You’re the one!’
Two bodies lay at the base of a large rock
Stuffed with breadcrumbs
Stuffed with stale breadcrumbs
They were stuffed with disgusting stale breadcrumbs that were left for Queen Unique to consume.
Crow tilted his head to the left and whispered, ‘Did you forget that my Queen is a Baker?’
…
The ovens were hot and large enough for two.
Inside they baked and bubbled and hissed.
Outside Queen Unique dismissed – the regret that tried to bring her back to the rules of that life.
Even after the ping, the flames continued to bring joy.
‘Fuck that liar, fuck his purpose and fuck his crumbs. I’m done.’ – Queen Unique
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We came close to life; only death snatched you away.
Had we been brave enough to say, ‘I love you.’ Maybe, we would have spent these last months together.
I’m sorry I closed my heart off to love. I carry a rock of guilt with me, and it rubs against my heart with every fast beat.
I apologise for being cold with you.
Rest in peace, my love.
I plotted and plotted and decided upon white tulips.
I stole from the local Florist as a way to support local businesses with an experience! What would you do? The scenario on lips dabbled in many conversations.
I also robbed a bag of change for my arcade day trip vacations.
Who are you? Just a thing with a title.
Call me Jean and expect no justice.
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You can’t be real if your intentions are fake.
You won’t know love if your mind is closed to life.
Actually, you won’t know anything – I don’t know you.
The times have changed and I have refreshed.
I know I don’t need you.
I believe I don’t want you.
I wish I could forget you.
Only, seeing your potential fade right in front of me cements lifelong memories in my mind.
I want you to know that I have grown.
The Inside of Love
I pressed call and called you and you answered.
We spoke and I laughed, you cried and we understood one another.
At that point, I believed we clicked.
Only, it wasn’t too long before you faded and the pages caught fire. I wanted these words to be permanent. Life does not kiss hearts with pink.
I woke up and looked into the mirror, my brown eyes glowing from the beautiful thoughts I have about you.
We could be more than what we limit ourselves to be.
Only we both fear change and the effect of making a difference
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