Old Pain

Old Pain

For a long time, I held on like super-glue on the minds of the dumb and reckless.

I gave birth to resentment and fed jealousy all the nonsense it needed to thrive.

I processed negative thoughts and entertained deception.

I blended life with extra drama and gave hate a glorious reception.

Today I write this to let you know, that today is the day I let old pain go.

I searched deep within and located blue notes of fortune.

I played back the tune and remembered the connection I once shared with you.

The tune went over and through my existence. I feel warm and excited at releasing my stubborn resistance.

I miss you, I love you and this post ain’t no joke!

I wish we could reconnect and remain connected this time. I pushed you and pushed you away at the time. I was a tyrant to our growth – I feared having hope.

I accept that part was wrong and I should’ve stopped when you spoke.

Anything good in my life I don’t believe it, you see.

I poke it and prick it and build walls around me.

I feared being happy, as you made me happy so much so. There were shit times, you were shit at times – all acknowledged and I’ve let go.

Back then I did what I felt was right.

I pushed you away and set our bond on fire. I retreated to my safe space and watched memories burn away.

I apologise.

I’m sorry.

If you ever call I’d say, ‘It’s okay. I understand.’

Unique

A Thought

Almost daily I miss our bond.

I love you and I’m sorry we never remained friends.

I know in my heart we were bought together to educate specific areas of my life.

I know in my soul that were it not for your presence, I would never have levelled up!

You may never reach out following our last conversation. However, if you did? Know I’ll be happy to hear from you.

I may never contact you in this world. However, take comfort in the fact that I want to.

I’m in a place where my thoughts are valued and my points are understood. I’ve found a space for my creativity to thrive and for my heart to expand with joy.

I have a bounty of gratitude I reflect upon daily.

Our initial bond gave birth to a whole new universe and I’ll forever remain dedicated to the gift. Your role in this has been noted and tears have fallen.

Avo.

Shock Therapy

I pretended to be elsewhere.

Really I was here, or rather nearby.

I stared into your main and vied for your attention.

I didn’t sleep until? Well, never.

I relied upon the moment and the stupidity of ‘good advice.’

I floated back down to my senses and made a cup of tea.

That’s Not My Story

You’ve done well.

I’m proud.

I’m inspired.

I’m somewhat happy for you. Honest.

The left side of my neck hurts.

You achieved something new to your life. Brilliant.

That’s not my story.

Do not wish the same for my life.

Our universe has chosen. I’m at peace with where I’m going.

From the Files of Crow and Unique: Next Lifetime

I’ll perch on your chest and feel your heartbeats through my feet.

I’ll flutter around your mind like a humming-bird about to dip into a flower head.

I’ll dive deep down into the sea, to scoop up your waves of love.

I’ll fly beyond the perimeter of the Earth, to sprinkle my admiration directly above your layers.

Next lifetime, I’ll recognise you.

Next lifetime, I’ll hear you.

Next lifetime, I’ll see you.

Next lifetime, I’ll press my heart beside yours. We’ll beat as one.

Next lifetime, Phoenix will rise and burn out all the memories we formed in our lifetime.

Next lifetime, Crow will tear out from the heart of the Phoenix.

Next lifetime, Crow will paint every universe black.

Next lifetime, you’ll see nothing but I promise you, you’ll feel my love.

Goodnight

Anxiety

It keeps pulling up over the years and tries its best to drag me down.

If I smile in your presence I’m truly delighted.

The processes have me seduced by the flow. The many flows, within veins I’ve never thought to go.

Exploration of cavities can lead me to race through the darkness in my mind.

Toxins, disguised as love, always catch me by surprise.

I fear the dark side, yet my arms remain open.

I cringe at the nightmares that invade my day-dreams.

I shudder away from all signs of love, as I sense evil within loves true meaning.

Anxiety

It keeps comin’ thru’ like an old flame burning bridges. Like a snake in unicorn skin, only I see the ridges!

The diagram you place before me isn’t accurate, to say the least.

Deep in your eyes, I see jealously and bewilderment. I see love and comfort entangled around an iron blade. I see the lies you are eager to share, delivered alongside the thorny steams of white roses.

I kiss you then close my eyes.

Goodnight.