One day common sense caught up with my age and reminded me that you are insular.
I frowned at my reflection in a car window; the car was parked illegally on a double yellow line.
How has it taken me so long?
You’re a vampire that drains my energy store, similar to a lack of iron and B12.
I’m a woman that cares deeply.
Only you actively choose to exploit my good nature and drain me whilst making out that you’re the one suffering.
My Therapist advised me to remove myself from toxicity! He said, ‘Unique, why do you keep allowing that vampire to encourage your anxiety? Increase your OCD behaviour? Or even have them in your space?’
I’m nice, and you know it.
I’m nice, and you take advantage of that fact often.
I’m nice because I always see the good in you. *Disclaimer, the good is part of the delusion that fogs my mind when you’re around.
Recently, I bumped into my peace! It wrapped me up in an abundance of love and sprinkled respect on my name.
The fragments of a heart that you crushed reunited and began to beat.
You will forever be remembered as? Nothing.
You trigger my OCD to scales I’ve never processed before.
You trigger my anxiety beyond this realm of emotion.
You trigger tsunamis of stress; often, I’m drowning – I call your name, and you can’t hear me dying. You’re too busy living up to your name.
What a time it has been so far; I’ve been restless with my thoughts and lacklustre with my writing—November of a month of planning and preparing but failing to execute everything.
I’ve listened to an array of audiobooks but did not complete the chain by reading paperbacks. Often I feel guilty about that, for I have a vast collection of creative pieces written by amazing people. Yet, I pass them by each day and note the new layer of dust each week.
At the end of November, I accepted that I had not written due to a mental blockage. Instead, I’m riddled with self-doubt and overcome with stress and fear of failing. It appears I have been struggling for months, and I need to break free to thrive and flourish.
The eleventh month in the year marks the eighth week count down to the end of 2021.
Last month, I spent a lot of time reflecting and working on close relationships. Friends are essential in life, and I guess I’ve been guarded in the past – many factors surrounding why I react how I react. Though October has taught me to embrace my friends more and understand why things are the way they are.
I’ve enjoyed listening to several audiobooks on Audible, specifically The Jane Austin Classics, Her Body and Other Parties by Machado and I’ve recently started The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. Audiobooks help me to get deep into a story while going for a stroll and staying healthy.
I tend to be quite hard on myself when I don’t get things completed or give myself too much to do in a short time.
In October, I have learned that when it comes to writing, I have found that I infrequently go through periods of emotions when I can’t seem to write anything – too much on my mind right now.
I’m often distracted by life, or rather the drama in the lives of others, which leads to my time being channelled into wasting energy on nonsensical conversations and people who take too much and give nothing back in return.
I need to focus on my needs and not the needs/wants of others. This will lead to an increase in productivity in my creative endeavours.
October was a month of pleasing others and neglecting my craft. November will include more trips to the library, museums, and a lovely café that serves vegan hot chocolate.
Embrace reading every moment you can, and don’t stop.
I’m slightly late with this post. However, it is alright. Because my intentions are good, and why do everything the way everyone else does?
September was an interesting month; I failed to complete any reading, and I acknowledge that when my mind is busy with random thoughts, there is nothing else I can think of that will ease away the moment.
My focus was divided, and my efforts were streamlined into work. I mean, while there are other elements of my life that are important – Only, I could not stop myself from plummeting all my energy and reserves into work.
This equated my craft being neglected for another month, feelings transforming into depravity and the nonsensical notion that I’m worthless. It’s incredible how quickly a thought could turn from static to negative and beyond.
September taught me that an online presence is short-lived, and some platforms can be annoying. All hail thee WordPress! 2020 I posted daily, 2021 I’ll post when I want, when I feel compelled to get up and write something compelling or when I need a creative release.
It’s true, you can’t change the past, but you can set the tone for your future. So this month is going to be good because I’m living as my authentic self. Selfies and hashtags are so overrated. Here’s to a blue ink pen and a notebook that is from 5 years ago.