Old Pain

Old Pain

For a long time, I held on like super-glue on the minds of the dumb and reckless.

I gave birth to resentment and fed jealousy all the nonsense it needed to thrive.

I processed negative thoughts and entertained deception.

I blended life with extra drama and gave hate a glorious reception.

Today I write this to let you know, that today is the day I let old pain go.

I searched deep within and located blue notes of fortune.

I played back the tune and remembered the connection I once shared with you.

The tune went over and through my existence. I feel warm and excited at releasing my stubborn resistance.

I miss you, I love you and this post ain’t no joke!

I wish we could reconnect and remain connected this time. I pushed you and pushed you away at the time. I was a tyrant to our growth – I feared having hope.

I accept that part was wrong and I should’ve stopped when you spoke.

Anything good in my life I don’t believe it, you see.

I poke it and prick it and build walls around me.

I feared being happy, as you made me happy so much so. There were shit times, you were shit at times – all acknowledged and I’ve let go.

Back then I did what I felt was right.

I pushed you away and set our bond on fire. I retreated to my safe space and watched memories burn away.

I apologise.

I’m sorry.

If you ever call I’d say, ‘It’s okay. I understand.’

Unique

A Thought

Almost daily I miss our bond.

I love you and I’m sorry we never remained friends.

I know in my heart we were bought together to educate specific areas of my life.

I know in my soul that were it not for your presence, I would never have levelled up!

You may never reach out following our last conversation. However, if you did? Know I’ll be happy to hear from you.

I may never contact you in this world. However, take comfort in the fact that I want to.

I’m in a place where my thoughts are valued and my points are understood. I’ve found a space for my creativity to thrive and for my heart to expand with joy.

I have a bounty of gratitude I reflect upon daily.

Our initial bond gave birth to a whole new universe and I’ll forever remain dedicated to the gift. Your role in this has been noted and tears have fallen.

Avo.

Shock Therapy

I pretended to be elsewhere.

Really I was here, or rather nearby.

I stared into your main and vied for your attention.

I didn’t sleep until? Well, never.

I relied upon the moment and the stupidity of ‘good advice.’

I floated back down to my senses and made a cup of tea.