For a long time, I held on like super-glue on the minds of the dumb and reckless.
I gave birth to resentment and fed jealousy all the nonsense it needed to thrive.
I processed negative thoughts and entertained deception.
I blended life with extra drama and gave hate a glorious reception.
Today I write this to let you know, that today is the day I let old pain go.
I searched deep within and located blue notes of fortune.
I played back the tune and remembered the connection I once shared with you.
The tune went over and through my existence. I feel warm and excited at releasing my stubborn resistance.
I miss you, I love you and this post ain’t no joke!
I wish we could reconnect and remain connected this time. I pushed you and pushed you away at the time. I was a tyrant to our growth – I feared having hope.
I accept that part was wrong and I should’ve stopped when you spoke.
Anything good in my life I don’t believe it, you see.
I poke it and prick it and build walls around me.
I feared being happy, as you made me happy so much so. There were shit times, you were shit at times – all acknowledged and I’ve let go.
Back then I did what I felt was right.
I pushed you away and set our bond on fire. I retreated to my safe space and watched memories burn away.
If you ever call I’d say, ‘It’s okay. I understand.’
Almost daily I miss our bond.
I love you and I’m sorry we never remained friends.
I know in my heart we were bought together to educate specific areas of my life.
I know in my soul that were it not for your presence, I would never have levelled up!
You may never reach out following our last conversation. However, if you did? Know I’ll be happy to hear from you.
I may never contact you in this world. However, take comfort in the fact that I want to.
I’m in a place where my thoughts are valued and my points are understood. I’ve found a space for my creativity to thrive and for my heart to expand with joy.
I have a bounty of gratitude I reflect upon daily.
Our initial bond gave birth to a whole new universe and I’ll forever remain dedicated to the gift. Your role in this has been noted and tears have fallen.
I love you.
I pretended to be elsewhere.
Really I was here, or rather nearby.
I stared into your main and vied for your attention.
I didn’t sleep until? Well, never.
I relied upon the moment and the stupidity of ‘good advice.’
I floated back down to my senses and made a cup of tea.
I forget when I last rested.
The days are blended and the nights sometimes freeze through.
For once and maybe more?
What day was it due?
I was placed here.
I’m still growing.
Your best life.
Herbal tea and meditation.
Kisses and cuddles.
Home cooked plant based dinner for two.
Weekend breaks with you.
Our universe advises that I should trust you.
You were sent here to teach me patience.
The pulses zapping around.
Even the pain was fierce I remained silent.