Author: Unique

I don't write. I create. #EveryHeartbeatCounts

Out of Office: 28.01.2023

I arrived late on Wednesday and was upset.

I walked into an unoccupied room and let the tears flow to a man I don’t have much respect for – a man who has treated me like shit and stepped out of his role into a cloud of ignorance.

I was crying due to a range of emotions festering in my mind. After all, who wants to listen to the negative aspects of your life? Like, I am going through a lot right now, and my head was about to explode. Surprisingly, it helped. Thank you.

Then followed the slurry of colleagues asking more than once, ‘are you okay?’

I had not slept in over 24 hours, and my body felt like shutting down. My eyes flickered shut on the cusp of five-minute intervals, and I struggled to complete my shift. I understand some people have good intentions; however, after I have answered you twice! Why would you ask another three times?

Sometimes, you should read the space and mind your business.

Regards,

Unique

Out of Office: 19.01.2023

Thursday, 19 January 2023

14:07

I returned to work on Tuesday after taking one day off sick due to poor mental health.

I had people who don’t usually communicate with me outside of work, sending unsolicited messages—asking questions under the guise of concern.

On Wednesday, one said to me, ‘Are you okay? Because you don’t seem yourself!’

Me: ‘Yes, I’m fine, thanks for asking.’

Idiot: ‘Are you sure? Because you don’t seem yourself!’

Me: ‘I’m fine. Thank you.’

Idiot: ‘Are you sure? You just don’t seem yourself at all. I’m here if you need anything. If you need to talk, I mean, I’m, I’m right, here okay.’

Me: ‘I’m fine. Thank you.’

I mean, a return to work was completed with my Line Manager, So why do others feel they are now competent enough or even wanted in my personal space? Why do they feel entitled to know why I was off work? Even when I’ve politely shut the topic down, they still push for information.

I could not wait to get out and finish my shift. Yes, there are many obvious reasons for being employed. However, self-employment is the true path for me.

Others say they mean well; they’re just looking out for you. But I never ticked a box to say, hey, I accept nosey fake doctors in my life. We’re not even close like that – never have been, never will.

In addition to the above, I would not have returned if I did not feel ready, nor would I disclose my reasons for being off sick. In short, leave me the fuck alone.

Kind regards

Unique

What He Said – 02.11.2022 @0843

‘My charger isn’t working.’

‘The internet connection here is terrible.’

‘I’m going to turn my phone off.’

What he did

He blocked you!

An act that triggers you to revert to past times when your walls were up and everything was protected.

You care too much.

Yet, no tears showed up; they absconded once they saw the truth.

He said, ‘You don’t mean much to me to care.’

Raise your glass of water and sip deeply. A vacancy has appeared for common sense to apply.

You are more than enough.

Vulnerable

Two nights ago, I dreamt about the meaning of the word vulnerable.

I realised I had misunderstood the meaning of the word. I was out by pages.

I stood up and apologised in the only way I knew best – through writing.

I have spent another twenty-four hours ruminating over the word’s meaning and actions.

I mean, I’m not the most intelligent form of existence.

You feel vulnerable with me.

What is happening is a fine blend of elements that take time to create.

Wax seal over the opening.

I Never Said Goodbye – 23.06.2022

One day common sense caught up with my age and reminded me that you are insular.

I frowned at my reflection in a car window; the car was parked illegally on a double yellow line.

How has it taken me so long?

You’re a vampire that drains my energy store, similar to a lack of iron and B12.

I’m a woman that cares deeply.

Only you actively choose to exploit my good nature and drain me whilst making out that you’re the one suffering.

My Therapist advised me to remove myself from toxicity! He said, ‘Unique, why do you keep allowing that vampire to encourage your anxiety? Increase your OCD behaviour? Or even have them in your space?’

I’m nice, and you know it.

I’m nice, and you take advantage of that fact often.

I’m nice because I always see the good in you. *Disclaimer, the good is part of the delusion that fogs my mind when you’re around.

Recently, I bumped into my peace! It wrapped me up in an abundance of love and sprinkled respect on my name.

The fragments of a heart that you crushed reunited and began to beat.

Unique

Unique

Unique

Leave.

You will forever be remembered as? Nothing.

You trigger my OCD to scales I’ve never processed before.

You trigger my anxiety beyond this realm of emotion.

You trigger tsunamis of stress; often, I’m drowning – I call your name, and you can’t hear me dying. You’re too busy living up to your name.

What is it again? Abhorrent  Narcissist.

I logged out, switched off and walked away.

An Unexpected Interruption – 22.05.2022

Shards of glass at my feet cut through my feed and create feuds of the heart and mind.

I remember the last time I smiled. At the time of composure, I cry. Maybe in another life, things wouldn’t be so tough? Perhaps friendships would mean what they do on the tin?

I get it; I do. To flow nicely in this world, my mind needs to be shut down. Only I respect my thoughts more than my sanity.

From the moment I understood my plight until this arduous second – I understand I walk alone to a destination unknown.

Featured

Until June 2022

Wow! What a year it has been, the good, the bad, the dangerous? Cast aside to my think bin.

I set a few goals, a bit of this, and some of that; nothing has made me happier than writing. Though, after another 12 months of trying to play catch-up and not having the time to complete all I know I can. After 12 months of consideration, I have decided to take a break from blogging – it won’t be forever, just until June 2022.

I want to thank every one of you for supporting and inspiring my life. 2021 has been quite the challenge, and I officially recognise, I need to take a step back from this and focus intensely on my main goal. Of course, I will continue to read other blogs and show my love and support for my fellow Creative Writers – But for now, Crow and I shall fly through the skies in the hopes to return to you in two thousand and twenty-two.

With love,

Dame Unique

Suffering – 18.12.2021

I am lying in bed, allowing my thoughts to fuel my anxiety.

I’m feeling a great deal of stress today, so forgive my absence. I think my phone will be turned off most of the time.

No one understands the pressure and expectations. No one appreciates that I’m one woman – I need a hug, not a demand.

The majority of my time is spent doing things for others. Many vultures circle my life, waiting to pick at my essence when I’m not 100%

E.g. I volunteer between work/research – I wasn’t available yesterday, as I was working. The organiser sent a rude email about ‘why?’ I replied articulately, and she apologised. **Why is there a sense of entitlement around the gifts I bring to those around my circles

Sometimes I need space from everyone.

Sometimes I need a break from my thoughts.

Sometimes I need a Tuesday to be alone.

📵

❤️

I love you all. I need some time…

Welcome December 2021

Hello December!

What a time it has been so far; I’ve been restless with my thoughts and lacklustre with my writing—November of a month of planning and preparing but failing to execute everything.

I’ve listened to an array of audiobooks but did not complete the chain by reading paperbacks. Often I feel guilty about that, for I have a vast collection of creative pieces written by amazing people. Yet, I pass them by each day and note the new layer of dust each week.

At the end of November, I accepted that I had not written due to a mental blockage. Instead, I’m riddled with self-doubt and overcome with stress and fear of failing. It appears I have been struggling for months, and I need to break free to thrive and flourish.

Today is the day I will restart the chain!

Goal: Write 100 words per day.

Unique