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I don't write. I create.
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No unwanted conversations or snakes burning their eyes out to forget how amazing I am.
The haters never congratulate; the fraudsters mingle and disassociate.
The pig oinks and climaxes over a bucket of fried chicken.
The haters whisper, trying to peddle a false narrative of success.
I remain silent.
No nasal intrusions; investigating lunch. Gone for a moment are the moments of the boring asking the same question, ‘But what next?’ Inside my mind, I hear laughter – my big brown eyes ask silently, ‘Who the fuck are you?’ I smile.
I remain silent.
He let me down with the constant plethora of lies.
His lips once kissed both my lips, are now the symbol of his evil core.
I thought I had died in the period of December 2023, but then I realised he was always this way, the devil I refused to see.
The time passed, and I stopped watching the clock, the tick, tick, tick and the views on TikTok. Down a rabbit hole, I crawled further along the moss-green-covered walls, and in the end, I found more darkness in the form of evil spores. His spores floated around the city, temporarily affixed to others. He became a whore in many ways, from his mind to his toxic heart.
I used to wish for more from him and only him.
Because he fed me tiny droplets of hope, and like the delusional partial girlfriend, I drank it up.
It has taken me a long time, but I have finally escaped.
Now, I drink lemon water from a glass and hold hands with my future. I stare into trusting eyes, and I know one day we will meet our son.
Once, I gave my partial boyfriend, aka the devil whore of addicts, my undivided attention and unconditional love. In exchange for? Less than the bare minimum.
Then, in January, a grey-blue phoenix swooped down through my window and sprinkled common sense in my eyes. To such a phenomenal woman, I value you beyond words that can be transcribed.
Crow kicked the ball; it rolled and rolled.
Crow kicked the ball, and it rolled.
The meat inside had lied. He lied!
Crow kicked the ball, and it rolled.
The softball lied.
Gas was lit beneath, and Crow danced and danced.
Strike the match and dance some more.
Crow kicked the ball, and IT cried.
Crow kicked the ball, and it screamed.
Crow kicked the ball, and it died.
And just like that, sense has prevailed, and the fog has dispersed. You should’ve made it clear, my dear. You should’ve been truthful. 📵 ‘Fuck that liar! Fuck his friends and fuck his bitch.’ – Life Mantra
I arrived late on Wednesday and was upset.
I walked into an unoccupied room and let the tears flow to a man I don’t have much respect for – a man who has treated me like shit and stepped out of his role into a cloud of ignorance.
I was crying due to a range of emotions festering in my mind. After all, who wants to listen to the negative aspects of your life? Like, I am going through a lot right now, and my head was about to explode. Surprisingly, it helped. Thank you.
Then followed the slurry of colleagues asking more than once, ‘are you okay?’
I had not slept in over 24 hours, and my body felt like shutting down. My eyes flickered shut on the cusp of five-minute intervals, and I struggled to complete my shift. I understand some people have good intentions; however, after I have answered you twice! Why would you ask another three times?
Sometimes, you should read the space and mind your business.
Regards,
Unique
Thursday, 19 January 2023
14:07
I returned to work on Tuesday after taking one day off sick due to poor mental health.
I had people who don’t usually communicate with me outside of work, sending unsolicited messages—asking questions under the guise of concern.
On Wednesday, one said to me, ‘Are you okay? Because you don’t seem yourself!’
Me: ‘Yes, I’m fine, thanks for asking.’
Idiot: ‘Are you sure? Because you don’t seem yourself!’
Me: ‘I’m fine. Thank you.’
Idiot: ‘Are you sure? You just don’t seem yourself at all. I’m here if you need anything. If you need to talk, I mean, I’m, I’m right, here okay.’
Me: ‘I’m fine. Thank you.’
I mean, a return to work was completed with my Line Manager, So why do others feel they are now competent enough or even wanted in my personal space? Why do they feel entitled to know why I was off work? Even when I’ve politely shut the topic down, they still push for information.
I could not wait to get out and finish my shift. Yes, there are many obvious reasons for being employed. However, self-employment is the true path for me.
Others say they mean well; they’re just looking out for you. But I never ticked a box to say, hey, I accept nosey fake doctors in my life. We’re not even close like that – never have been, never will.
In addition to the above, I would not have returned if I did not feel ready, nor would I disclose my reasons for being off sick. In short, leave me the fuck alone.
Kind regards
Unique
‘My charger isn’t working.’
‘The internet connection here is terrible.’
‘I’m going to turn my phone off.’
What he did
He blocked you!
An act that triggers you to revert to past times when your walls were up and everything was protected.
You care too much.
Yet, no tears showed up; they absconded once they saw the truth.
He said, ‘You don’t mean much to me to care.’
Raise your glass of water and sip deeply. A vacancy has appeared for common sense to apply.
You are more than enough.
I care too much.
Two nights ago, I dreamt about the meaning of the word vulnerable.
I realised I had misunderstood the meaning of the word. I was out by pages.
I stood up and apologised in the only way I knew best – through writing.
I have spent another twenty-four hours ruminating over the word’s meaning and actions.
I mean, I’m not the most intelligent form of existence.
You feel vulnerable with me.
What is happening is a fine blend of elements that take time to create.
Wax seal over the opening.
My back hurts.
I sprouted wings that said, FUCK YOU!
I plucked a feather, and it screamed in my face.
I wanted us to be two.
However, your intentions served only you.
I burned the feather, and it darkened but continued to scream.
FUCK YOU, honestly, if you know what I mean.
One day common sense caught up with my age and reminded me that you are insular.
I frowned at my reflection in a car window; the car was parked illegally on a double yellow line.
How has it taken me so long?
You’re a vampire that drains my energy store, similar to a lack of iron and B12.
I’m a woman that cares deeply.
Only you actively choose to exploit my good nature and drain me whilst making out that you’re the one suffering.
My Therapist advised me to remove myself from toxicity! He said, ‘Unique, why do you keep allowing that vampire to encourage your anxiety? Increase your OCD behaviour? Or even have them in your space?’
I’m nice, and you know it.
I’m nice, and you take advantage of that fact often.
I’m nice because I always see the good in you. *Disclaimer, the good is part of the delusion that fogs my mind when you’re around.
Recently, I bumped into my peace! It wrapped me up in an abundance of love and sprinkled respect on my name.
The fragments of a heart that you crushed reunited and began to beat.
Unique
Unique
Unique
Leave.
You will forever be remembered as? Nothing.
You trigger my OCD to scales I’ve never processed before.
You trigger my anxiety beyond this realm of emotion.
You trigger tsunamis of stress; often, I’m drowning – I call your name, and you can’t hear me dying. You’re too busy living up to your name.
What is it again? Abhorrent Narcissist.
I logged out, switched off and walked away.
I am lying in bed, allowing my thoughts to fuel my anxiety.
I’m feeling a great deal of stress today, so forgive my absence. I think my phone will be turned off most of the time.
No one understands the pressure and expectations. No one appreciates that I’m one woman – I need a hug, not a demand.
The majority of my time is spent doing things for others. Many vultures circle my life, waiting to pick at my essence when I’m not 100%
E.g. I volunteer between work/research – I wasn’t available yesterday, as I was working. The organiser sent a rude email about ‘why?’ I replied articulately, and she apologised. **Why is there a sense of entitlement around the gifts I bring to those around my circles
Sometimes I need space from everyone.
Sometimes I need a break from my thoughts.
Sometimes I need a Tuesday to be alone.
📵
❤️
I love you all. I need some time…
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