I don't write. I create.
I asked myself, ‘Can I cry for a minute?’ Then proceeded to cry for five more overtime.
I told myself, ‘Be strong.’ Then continued to complain via text.
I opened my bedroom window and placed my face into the influx of raindrops.
Rain is real, and the clouds are real, Unique is real! I’m here.
For three whole days, I’ve been feeling down, low, lethargic!
I’m not sure what caused this, but I remember where it started – three days ago!
I woke up and thought, ‘Meh!’ in fact I may have made the sounds to go with it.
For months I’ve been trying to write a short story, it’s in my head. I know everything about the character, but I can’t get her to speak. She’s a devious woman, don’t feel sorry for her.
I guess it set it further and deeper than before, my PhD is now HD, and I feel the pressure even more.
All I wish to do is improve upon my grammar and punctuation, the way I speak words with my voice, my pronunciation and elocution. I know my strengths, my weaknesses, my opportunities and threats! I know my friends from my foes, to the superheroes above me.
I see my pathway, my purpose and feel my heart roar inside of me.
Little did I know that I would fall in love with the pen.
Blue ink pressed on paper, with Crow as my main friend.
I feel the jagged edges of the mountain pierce my skin, I know the literary world was destined for me – the only world I fit in.
I don’t speak much about how I feel, or why I feel how I feel when I do. Because people often hurt me and I don’t want people to form part of you!
I know myself.
I hear my mind and see the clarity within my heart.
I know Creative Writing is the only writing I’ll love eternally every part.
Thursday Evening
Like no other before it, because today has never happened until now.
The earth has spun, I’m now on the side of the sun. But the rain came down this morning and washed some debris away.
It’s a new Monday, one we’ve never had before! Isn’t this amazing?
I had oats with oat milk, and it was delightful.
I’m currently sitting in bed with my laptop on my lap. It’s cheap, but all I use is Microsoft Word.
I’m thinking about what I’m going to make for dinner, and already I know it contains broccoli.
Half the world is on the dark side now, sleeping perhaps?
I wonder why a lot of people hate Mondays?
Should we not be grateful that we’ve made it this far?
Just another Monday, you say?
I say thank you!
They say to pray every day, especially Sunday!
But what of a day that you wish to remain uncomplicated.
What happens when you pray, anyway? Elaborate further, please?
I think aloud sometimes and alone more often than not.
I remember the last time I prayed; it was back in 2013.
Sunday is the day of rest, but where is rest found in this era?
Viruses are spreading all around us and a resolution no sooner!
They say to pray every day, come together and unite as one.
This is the day that the Lord has made.
I recall asking, begging, pleading for him to save.
I cried while holding your little body in my arms; I cried for your life; you had not been given a chance to live. I cry for your memories – Every heartbeat counts.
I knew then God only existed as a word in print.
They say to pray every day, especially Sunday!
A problem shared is a problem halved.
A heart opened is a form of love life carves.
A blessing on Sunday is like a blessing any other day.
A life that connects with yours forms a part of your destiny, I’d say.
A kiss under the glow of the full moon when it’s pink, is the perfect setting for new love, I think?
A dream so stunning it feels real enough to touch, is a dream worth chasing if it’s not too much to ask?
A corrupt mindset will emit waves of negativity, basking a lone heart in falsity.
Eventually, love will burst open, breaking free into reality, causing the lone heart to crack and fragment, piece by piece in glorious actuality.
Being alone.
Not talking to anyone.
Crying in public.
Cooking for yourself.
Reading aloud.
Singing loudly.
Muting negative WhatsApp conversations.
Un-following negative people.
“Done dealing with you
Don’t know how to deal with me
Done fuckin’ with you, don’t know how to love me” – Jhene Aiko
I feel much stronger I’ve got this!
With the power vested within, I’ll remain true to myself, and you shall not flood my life with bullshit again.
I imagine yesterday, to be the day you realised I’ve gone forever.
No longer shall your issues plague my existence. No more I will be your crutch, holding you up when you need a prop – user.
My life is my life, and I shall live it as I wish.
You cannot define me.
I’m unique.
Our universe placed me into this world.
I’m the only version of me, in existence.
There are no duplications for you to start over with.
All the replicas never passed beta mode.
I had hoped for better.
I hate Rona’ just as much as anyone else. But Rona’s presence has caused me to start over – I now go jogging/running at least 3 days a week.
Too much to write.
Today
It was today I realised some actions have no value.
I’m dishonest.
Big Squares can’t fit into small circles, but small circles can fit into big squares.
Then I remembered I do not believe anyway!
If and when trauma hits, I would’ve died 33 minutes prior to its arrival.
💗
That pink heart has literally floated away.
Finally!
It has taken me months to delete you permanently. Your number in my phone caused me a great deal of anxiety.
We were once close – but I now accept your best facadé. ‘I could just lie to you now!’ You once said that, twice.
Only you were lying; it’s taken me forever to realise.
I trusted in you! I believed all you spoke, I lifted you high up and you gave me hope. But that was AI
You wanted to keep in touch, to have your ego regularly stroked ‘Hey Unique, how are you doing?’ Was your easiest entry.
Imagine you texted shit, to have access to me? Imagine you went from minutes to weeks – that felt like an eternity.
I do not wish you well!
I hereby retract all wishes.
I hope you drown in attention and your deceit eats into your dreams.
You may think you’re somebody now, but 7 billion people reside in our world.
Not even 0.1% know who you are*
I do not wish you prosperity as you had that once before.
You’ll never get that status again, never.
No. Not one.
Your next text will be deleted.
Unread.
Deleted.
Your negative energy is blocked, for eternity this time.
You’re fake.
Keep acting – the bathtub suits your life in the gutter.
I replay memories of your lies in action; I hear the cries and artificial stutter.
No more bullshit from you, B!
I just wanna be alone and sulk.
Hello Monday,
Nice to see you again!
I wish for many more to come, filled with sunshine, snow and rain.
I love the beautiful birds that sing all around.
I miss a lot of things, but staying inside is where I can be found.
#StayHomeSaveLives
I confess I’m a narcissist. I need to hear what I already know.
But I need you to say it, and even then I won’t go.
I must hear it from your lips, in your voice, your accent, even in a whisper.
Tell me how amazing I am!
Tell me now and tell me so.
Stroke my colossal ego and then fuck off. GO!
Blow up to the sky, to wish upon a star.
I know, not forever.
I run slow but walk far.
I chase the tinkle from afar.
I feel the cold air upon my lips.
I press them onto you because the goodbye fits.
I’m not inconsiderate or loaded with rage like a gun.
We can’t be friends. Who the fuck are you?
Fake!
Keep digging.
I’ll watch on as your plot capsizes and a mudslide hides your demons.
Keep your distance as I’ll find a way to burn you alive.
I will wait until all water runs dry and I’ll watch as your flesh burning and embers fly.
Reciting the word hate is a negative trait, so I’ll blow a kiss to your memory.
I’m not open to love.
I’m unavailable for care.
I’m not interested in your problems. Please do not share.
I’m deliberating blocking you out of my life, for forever and a day.
I’m closed off to your negative energy in every single way.
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