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I don't write. I create.
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How I long for the cog that turns and triggers a new system!
For an income appreciative of the god-like blessings I bestow on many lives around.
Yes! My status is minus.
-Love
-Time
I’m in the red.
Sometimes I wonder why my success is determined by your happiness?
Be free. Explore. Remember.
Hello December!
What a time it has been so far; I’ve been restless with my thoughts and lacklustre with my writing—November of a month of planning and preparing but failing to execute everything.
I’ve listened to an array of audiobooks but did not complete the chain by reading paperbacks. Often I feel guilty about that, for I have a vast collection of creative pieces written by amazing people. Yet, I pass them by each day and note the new layer of dust each week.
At the end of November, I accepted that I had not written due to a mental blockage. Instead, I’m riddled with self-doubt and overcome with stress and fear of failing. It appears I have been struggling for months, and I need to break free to thrive and flourish.
Today is the day I will restart the chain!
Goal: Write 100 words per day.
Unique
We disagreed and argued.
We spat fire into the eyes of the other.
I boiled, you bubbled, and we burned one another.
The next day my eyes wept, and your mind seeped until we formed a solid understanding.
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You split your heart in half and made love to me.
I accepted my half and consoled you.
You gave me time and memories I’ll cherish forever.
I told myself that…
Sometimes, some things are best left unsaid.
I wipe away the 76th tear of the day.
I told her, I warned her, I pleaded, ‘do not go!’
I blocked out the sun so that only night would show.
I set the streets on fire and smoked out her journey.
Unique went anyway. She had left early.
Returning with a smile, she beckoned my time to listen.
Listen!
‘I will not allow another period to pass, for purity to consume my vision and you to walk freely.
I promise you, from your mind, I’ll ensure you bleed deeply.’
– Crow
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It is when an old flame drops crumbs like I’ve told him my name is Gretel.
Crow has stored each one.
It’s like I trusted you again and this time from a better place.
Crow placed them in preparation, though rotting, he held on to them.
Today I mourn the loss of something that I thought was good. Rest in Peace, my friend.
The future
I swear on my life, everything is true. I saw Crow stuffing two people with breadcrumbs
He chanted, ‘Queen Unique is number one.
He chanted, ‘he’s nothing, my Queen, you’re the one. Everybody else is two to three. You’re the one!’
Two bodies lay at the base of a large rock
Stuffed with breadcrumbs
Stuffed with stale breadcrumbs
They were stuffed with disgusting stale breadcrumbs that were left for Queen Unique to consume.
Crow tilted his head to the left and whispered, ‘Did you forget that my Queen is a Baker?’
…
The ovens were hot and large enough for two.
Inside they baked and bubbled and hissed.
Outside Queen Unique dismissed – the regret that tried to bring her back to the rules of that life.
Even after the ping, the flames continued to bring joy.
‘Fuck that liar, fuck his purpose and fuck his crumbs. I’m done.’ – Queen Unique
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No one loves me.
I have no love to reference as my true.
No one cares about my existence in that way.
I’m alone.
I want to share my life with you. Only you don’t desire me enough to be happy.
I’ve missed many moments because I had to attend work. I believed my priorities were to earn first and visit later.
Only I was too tired.
I hear your voice regularly. Your advice is embedded in my heart.
Wishing won’t change anything.
I’ll forever love you.
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Welcome November
Welcome, November,
The eleventh month in the year marks the eighth week count down to the end of 2021.
Last month, I spent a lot of time reflecting and working on close relationships. Friends are essential in life, and I guess I’ve been guarded in the past – many factors surrounding why I react how I react. Though October has taught me to embrace my friends more and understand why things are the way they are.
I’ve enjoyed listening to several audiobooks on Audible, specifically The Jane Austin Classics, Her Body and Other Parties by Machado and I’ve recently started The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. Audiobooks help me to get deep into a story while going for a stroll and staying healthy.
I tend to be quite hard on myself when I don’t get things completed or give myself too much to do in a short time.
In October, I have learned that when it comes to writing, I have found that I infrequently go through periods of emotions when I can’t seem to write anything – too much on my mind right now.
I’m often distracted by life, or rather the drama in the lives of others, which leads to my time being channelled into wasting energy on nonsensical conversations and people who take too much and give nothing back in return.
I need to focus on my needs and not the needs/wants of others. This will lead to an increase in productivity in my creative endeavours.
I digress.
October was a month of pleasing others and neglecting my craft. November will include more trips to the library, museums, and a lovely café that serves vegan hot chocolate.
Embrace reading every moment you can, and don’t stop.
Dame Unique
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We came close to life; only death snatched you away.
Had we been brave enough to say, ‘I love you.’ Maybe, we would have spent these last months together.
I’m sorry I closed my heart off to love. I carry a rock of guilt with me, and it rubs against my heart with every fast beat.
I apologise for being cold with you.
Rest in peace, my love.
I plotted and plotted and decided upon white tulips.
I stole from the local Florist as a way to support local businesses with an experience! What would you do? The scenario on lips dabbled in many conversations.
I also robbed a bag of change for my arcade day trip vacations.
Who are you? Just a thing with a title.
Call me Jean and expect no justice.
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