Tag: DameUnique

Lockdown

For the past few days, Unique has been indoors; anxiety has her paranoid.

Daily, she sprays disinfectant and prepares vegan food. Moaning at Crow, ‘stay indoors!’

But Crow wants bagels, Crow want’s joy. ‘Stop being a worrier; it’s not a pandemic its all a ploy.

Unique has not eaten much since last Wednesday I’m told, she’s developed an aversion to food – through worrying about the sick, elderly and the homeless. During a shopping trip Wednesday morning, she witnessed people with full trolleys fighting over pasta while elderly customers struggled to navigate through the crowds to get any essentials.

     Unique returned home and saw videos posted online showing selfish people stockpiling on essential items – Who needs so much loo roll? When did the flu cause you to shit more than usual? That’s unusual.

     Unique saw some positive posts via Instagram, showing fishes, swans and dolphins return to clear waters in Venice. Bull-fights have been cancelled, Cheltenham Horse racing cancelled and the consumption of plant-based milk soaring.

Yet, she remains indoors!

Crow lusts after the chances to fly out and explore the supposedly vacant streets. But Unique is down, and she’s his only reason for staying indoors…

*If you care about your friends, family and community you live in. I implore you to stay indoors!

Please follow the government’s advice and stay indoors! Those of you who have to go out for work, buying food, etc., please adhere to social distancing rules.

As Unique climbed into bed, Crow swooped down onto her headboard and whispered – ‘Heal the world, make it a better place, for you and for me and the entire human race. There are people dying if you care enough for the living make it a better place for you and for me’ – Michael Jackson

K.

From the files of Crow.

May 20—

Unique why do you shake, breathe deeply and not speak?
‘K’
Did what to you? Where? What did they seek?
‘K’

A little black ball of feathers turns red like the mist surrounding danger!

How dare he! How dare they!
‘K’

Now you’re crying, and they’re lying, he’s lying to be precise. I will cut him; I will pierce him, I will chop him up and make meaty ice!

‘K’
Fuck K!
Fuck K!
There’s no ‘K’ in Crow.
Fuck his title!
Fuck his life; K will breathe no more.

It makes me angry!
I will get revenge.
For you, Unique, vengeance will lead to a glorious end.

‘K’

For three whole days, Crow flew, and he flew. He located the ‘K’ and extracted a bloody dew. Drop by drop he drank and her cursed. ‘Bad behaviour around Unique, blesses the cunt with a curse. Apologies K, I’m King Crow. I’ll start with your left eye and then tear your baby toes.’

He did as he spoke.
He drank, and he cackled.
He pecked, and he poked into holes he created.

He hopped onto the big toe and inscribed Crow deep within the ankle.

K pleaded and pleaded as his life slipped away. Unbalance Unique and Crow will ensure you pay.

Serious Mood

The last time I received a papercut, I remember seeing blood.

The pain was real enough.

I felt like I needed a quiet, dark place a few weeks ago. I explained why.

Thursday gone I felt happy due to some of the changes I’m creating. The first thing you say is, ‘you’re usually in a serious mood.’

I understand you don’t honestly believe I deserve to be happy. You like when I’m weak and in need. I realised that – you like drama.

Blended

The art to mix two is an art only a Master can muster before man.

I won’t lie to the watchers.

I’ll lie to fakers.

They want to know how I created this tiny heartbeat.

I told them, ‘from my baby toe, I tapped into a plug and shocked a new beat.’

I mixed madness into sanity and called it life.

I’ll always love you.

You’ll always be my baby…

Crow Knows Virus

From the files of Crow

I sneezed on a train earlier today, and people looked on in horror and disgust.

I had sneezed into my tissue, my Kleenex tissue, my menthol double-layered Kleenex tissue.

I saw the Dark Lord appear.

He hopped from a fat person’s fat head to an anorexic’s knee and said, ‘Tell me, oh! Tell me, how does one identify the Coronavirus?’

I sneezed again and folded my tissue around my nose, for snot had peeked out and well, I suppose, nose-wiping is permitted.

The crowd ignored the Dark Lord. The flabby man raised his scarf over his mouth.

‘I’m told by God that the flu kills more people each year than Corona. But you filthy fuckers scorn Unique! Was a black man not lynched the other week? Is there not a war being fought overseas? Didn’t good old Mrs Smith from Chiswick die from heart failure?’ He tilts his little head to the side and sees a woman with red hair, squeeze hand gel onto her hands, rubbing them vigorously together and then rubbing it over her face.

Our Dark Lord Crow stops the train; a few wrists are broken in the process. The red-haired woman falls onto her back, Crow glides down and perches on her disinfected face. ‘So tell me,’ he whispers, ‘how does a mortal know the difference between the flu and its cousin the Coronavirus.’

The red-haired lady stutters, from her view, all she can see is the ass of a blackbird. ‘The news, news said, said that, that you can catch it from infected people.’

‘So you’re telling me Unique is bad bacteria?’

‘No, but, but she sneezed.’

‘So you’re telling me Unique has the coronavirus?’

But before she could answer our Dark Lord Crow, turned to face her and hurled out the most disgusting sneezed ever witness on board a train. It was a blend of the usual snot and mucus. But it also contained rotten bits of bagel, congealed blood and a small piece of a rats tail. Once he finished sneezing, Unique knelt and wiped his face with a baby wipe. Kissed his little head and said, ‘time to go home now.’

He glared at all the other passengers before infiltrating the announcement system, ‘CROW KNOWS VIRUS, CROW KNOWS VIRUS.’

They both returned home and enjoyed a discounted bottle of Corona beer.