Tag: InMyFeelings

Out of Office: 28.01.2023

I arrived late on Wednesday and was upset.

I walked into an unoccupied room and let the tears flow to a man I don’t have much respect for – a man who has treated me like shit and stepped out of his role into a cloud of ignorance.

I was crying due to a range of emotions festering in my mind. After all, who wants to listen to the negative aspects of your life? Like, I am going through a lot right now, and my head was about to explode. Surprisingly, it helped. Thank you.

Then followed the slurry of colleagues asking more than once, ‘are you okay?’

I had not slept in over 24 hours, and my body felt like shutting down. My eyes flickered shut on the cusp of five-minute intervals, and I struggled to complete my shift. I understand some people have good intentions; however, after I have answered you twice! Why would you ask another three times?

Sometimes, you should read the space and mind your business.

Regards,

Unique

Out of Office: 19.01.2023

Thursday, 19 January 2023

14:07

I returned to work on Tuesday after taking one day off sick due to poor mental health.

I had people who don’t usually communicate with me outside of work, sending unsolicited messages—asking questions under the guise of concern.

On Wednesday, one said to me, ‘Are you okay? Because you don’t seem yourself!’

Me: ‘Yes, I’m fine, thanks for asking.’

Idiot: ‘Are you sure? Because you don’t seem yourself!’

Me: ‘I’m fine. Thank you.’

Idiot: ‘Are you sure? You just don’t seem yourself at all. I’m here if you need anything. If you need to talk, I mean, I’m, I’m right, here okay.’

Me: ‘I’m fine. Thank you.’

I mean, a return to work was completed with my Line Manager, So why do others feel they are now competent enough or even wanted in my personal space? Why do they feel entitled to know why I was off work? Even when I’ve politely shut the topic down, they still push for information.

I could not wait to get out and finish my shift. Yes, there are many obvious reasons for being employed. However, self-employment is the true path for me.

Others say they mean well; they’re just looking out for you. But I never ticked a box to say, hey, I accept nosey fake doctors in my life. We’re not even close like that – never have been, never will.

In addition to the above, I would not have returned if I did not feel ready, nor would I disclose my reasons for being off sick. In short, leave me the fuck alone.

Kind regards

Unique

What He Said – 02.11.2022 @0843

‘My charger isn’t working.’

‘The internet connection here is terrible.’

‘I’m going to turn my phone off.’

What he did

He blocked you!

An act that triggers you to revert to past times when your walls were up and everything was protected.

You care too much.

Yet, no tears showed up; they absconded once they saw the truth.

He said, ‘You don’t mean much to me to care.’

Raise your glass of water and sip deeply. A vacancy has appeared for common sense to apply.

You are more than enough.

Vulnerable

Two nights ago, I dreamt about the meaning of the word vulnerable.

I realised I had misunderstood the meaning of the word. I was out by pages.

I stood up and apologised in the only way I knew best – through writing.

I have spent another twenty-four hours ruminating over the word’s meaning and actions.

I mean, I’m not the most intelligent form of existence.

You feel vulnerable with me.

What is happening is a fine blend of elements that take time to create.

Wax seal over the opening.

Suffering – 18.12.2021

I am lying in bed, allowing my thoughts to fuel my anxiety.

I’m feeling a great deal of stress today, so forgive my absence. I think my phone will be turned off most of the time.

No one understands the pressure and expectations. No one appreciates that I’m one woman – I need a hug, not a demand.

The majority of my time is spent doing things for others. Many vultures circle my life, waiting to pick at my essence when I’m not 100%

E.g. I volunteer between work/research – I wasn’t available yesterday, as I was working. The organiser sent a rude email about ‘why?’ I replied articulately, and she apologised. **Why is there a sense of entitlement around the gifts I bring to those around my circles

Sometimes I need space from everyone.

Sometimes I need a break from my thoughts.

Sometimes I need a Tuesday to be alone.

📵

❤️

I love you all. I need some time…

Welcome November 2021

Welcome November

Welcome, November,

The eleventh month in the year marks the eighth week count down to the end of 2021.

Last month, I spent a lot of time reflecting and working on close relationships. Friends are essential in life, and I guess I’ve been guarded in the past – many factors surrounding why I react how I react. Though October has taught me to embrace my friends more and understand why things are the way they are.

I’ve enjoyed listening to several audiobooks on Audible, specifically The Jane Austin Classics, Her Body and Other Parties by Machado and I’ve recently started The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. Audiobooks help me to get deep into a story while going for a stroll and staying healthy.

I tend to be quite hard on myself when I don’t get things completed or give myself too much to do in a short time.

In October, I have learned that when it comes to writing, I have found that I infrequently go through periods of emotions when I can’t seem to write anything – too much on my mind right now.

I’m often distracted by life, or rather the drama in the lives of others, which leads to my time being channelled into wasting energy on nonsensical conversations and people who take too much and give nothing back in return.

I need to focus on my needs and not the needs/wants of others. This will lead to an increase in productivity in my creative endeavours.

I digress.

October was a month of pleasing others and neglecting my craft. November will include more trips to the library, museums, and a lovely café that serves vegan hot chocolate.

Embrace reading every moment you can, and don’t stop.

Dame Unique

Growing Pains

I understand, and I hear you; I love you. I don’t pray!

I don’t believe in random activities, though I procrastinate throughout the day.

I want you. I want me, I want us, I want life.

I need time, more time.

The bolts of life thunder around my mind, creating worlds between myself and I.

The inevitable will happen, and we will fall in love during the day. I’ll kiss you as you fall asleep and quietly walk away.