Thoughts never stop in the mind. A place where the red light means lust and the green indicates toxins, though it’s the amber that burns through.
Anxiety is present, and my heart rate is okay.
I cry because I’m upset.
Why is this life so difficult? Creation is easy for many, yet the masses become gods of chaos and delusion. I wish I had never met you. But, I’m also delighted I did – Without the experience, I would not compose this text.
I’m finally out of the dark, for your clouds bore stains around this sphere.
Do you remember when I taught you how to swim? You dived right in, ice reclaimed the seal.
I saw you.
Your pain, your suffering.
I felt the air slip away, though you eventually stopped begging.
Okay, I’ll admit this. Narrow passageways aren’t for exploration; they remind you that blue is a beautiful colour.
‘I’ll miss you now, but you’ll miss me the rest of your life.’ – Rosie
Today, she gave herself permission to let go.
Though she felt completely dead inside, she knew that her weakness was the source of all her pain.
Today, she allowed her heart to open up and become the target. Her mind regurgitated memories of the lies he sang to her in the form of a unique connection and emotional bond.
I’m highly fascinated with ‘human behaviour’ in particular, the dregs of society who appear to have a hierarchy complex; they believe that their position in life is above education and never below the sewage level that they rest upon, in comfort and self-disgust.
There’s something very rewarding about having time to switch off and rejuvenate. I’m surrounded by vampires. Insomnia chases me most nights, yet my voice hides away in fear of my power. I’m exhausted.
At the top of this tree, I sit, and no one will clock it. Day by day, I grow and swell; I understand where you stand and how deceit bloats common minds.
I’m not defined by my words, but inflation steals my time.’
I’m frozen with the memory that my writing was admonished for expressing my feelings. I’m cold with the thoughts that I thought you would never behave in this way.
Even knowing my trauma, you opened the curtains and re-enacted one of the worst things anyone has ever done in my life.
He saw I was down, injured by shards of misinterpretation. No! Misrepresentation! The information was ambiguous and clearly indicated a meeting.
I bled out, and he asked, ‘What are you up to?’
Then left me there for 24hrs.
Thankfully, I managed to get help. Miraculously, I survived the night. Regrettably, I sent a text. Notably, it went unanswered. Lazily, one word was sent in response. Secretly, I pondered over my next move.
I’m awake now. I reckon I’ll be okay. My new scars cover old scars, hiding my love for the unknown and perhaps the inconsiderate.
Tears are there, and a great escape is pending, but I push back. Well, step back. This is too much.
And just like that, sense has prevailed, and the fog has dispersed. You should’ve made it clear, my dear. You should’ve been truthful. 📵 ‘Fuck that liar! Fuck his friends and fuck his bitch.’ – Life Mantra
I walked into an unoccupied room and let the tears flow to a man I don’t have much respect for – a man who has treated me like shit and stepped out of his role into a cloud of ignorance.
I was crying due to a range of emotions festering in my mind. After all, who wants to listen to the negative aspects of your life? Like, I am going through a lot right now, and my head was about to explode. Surprisingly, it helped. Thank you.
Then followed the slurry of colleagues asking more than once, ‘are you okay?’
I had not slept in over 24 hours, and my body felt like shutting down. My eyes flickered shut on the cusp of five-minute intervals, and I struggled to complete my shift. I understand some people have good intentions; however, after I have answered you twice! Why would you ask another three times?
Sometimes, you should read the space and mind your business.
I returned to work on Tuesday after taking one day off sick due to poor mental health.
I had people who don’t usually communicate with me outside of work, sending unsolicited messages—asking questions under the guise of concern.
On Wednesday, one said to me, ‘Are you okay? Because you don’t seem yourself!’
Me: ‘Yes, I’m fine, thanks for asking.’
Idiot: ‘Are you sure? Because you don’t seem yourself!’
Me: ‘I’m fine. Thank you.’
Idiot: ‘Are you sure? You just don’t seem yourself at all. I’m here if you need anything. If you need to talk, I mean, I’m, I’m right, here okay.’
Me: ‘I’m fine. Thank you.’
I mean, a return to work was completed with my Line Manager, So why do others feel they are now competent enough or even wanted in my personal space? Why do they feel entitled to know why I was off work? Even when I’ve politely shut the topic down, they still push for information.
I could not wait to get out and finish my shift. Yes, there are many obvious reasons for being employed. However, self-employment is the true path for me.
Others say they mean well; they’re just looking out for you. But I never ticked a box to say, hey, I accept nosey fake doctors in my life. We’re not even close like that – never have been, never will.
In addition to the above, I would not have returned if I did not feel ready, nor would I disclose my reasons for being off sick. In short, leave me the fuck alone.
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