Tag: InMyFeelings

Are You Awake?

When I’m alone with my thoughts wishing our world was better, I think about you.

It’s dark in our country at this moment in time and I know you’re at home, eyes open and head down.

I would pray you call, but I remember your faults. And prayer is a conversation with myself.

You beat down my soul and drowned me in your lies. Water puts out fire it’s true, but ice can also burn through flesh.

I picture your tainted bar; you know the one you pissed on with your weaknesses. I recall that leash around your neck, only allowed you to commute to your office, home and wherever the Boss commanded you.

Are you awake?

Of course, you hiss desperation into the air and blow that through to my ears. Then you cry alone under the safety of a user for an employee.

I remember the mornings you beeped into my private space…scattered messages, deeper lies and flattened truths.

Let me tell you, the lies you spawned this time last year have already manifested over what you claim to fly with. When yet another drains your existence, you’ll wish you were sleeping eternally.

In satisfactory memory of the worm that wiggled its way through my fruit bowl.

The Blame Game

At first, they blamed a group of people, because a video went viral and showed someone eating a bat.

Then they blamed a lab for allowing it to break free.

Then a small city was blamed and all the residents were labelled as people saw fit.

Later an entire country was blamed for it causing this.

They once ridiculed the health services and mocked cleaners, spat on bin men and stole from the doorsteps delivery drivers frequented.

Now they cheer them – they clap for our carers because they tell themselves that if I clap on a Thursday at 2000 GMT if I ever get COVID19 the NHS will save me.

Some blame the NHS for treating the sick, commenting, ‘You’re spreading COVID19, as you’re in contact with people who have it.’

Then they blame the government for suggesting we stay inside, stay safe and protect others, to keep everyone alive.

‘The Government have made the virus up!’  I heard a man state as I visited Tesco’s, ‘they wanna keep us quiet so that they can build more 5G towers! Fuck Trump!’

Then 5G towers were burnt to the core, apparently, they spread COVID19.

The blame was placed onto Corona beer, how unfortunate and unjust.

The blame shifted to the elderly, their immunity the lowest.

The blame was placed onto vegans and then taken away. The sales of oat milk shot up tenfold, what more could anyone say?

The blame was actioned on black people who resided in the country COVID19 was born. Videos circulated showing them being banned from the stores and locked out from their temporary homes.

The blame was sprinkled across wet markets over there and there and there. However, they continued the operate even though COVID19 had taken away many lives.

The blame sauntered to news reporters, medical staff, public transportation and lack of sanitation. #WashYourHands the main form of mass communication.

We are a world that enjoys pointing fingers, like the only kid that never stole a cookie from the jar. COVID19 is still present, yet we #Blame others and focus on who to troll next?

SOME PEOPLE SHOW NO SYMPTOMS OF HAVING CORONAVIRUS

We all lose out in the end, COVID19 does not discriminate.

The blame masturbated over social media and climaxed in the eyes of many…

Heat

The heat is nice during the daytime, I can open my windows and enjoy the breeze.

However, you fucking disrespectful cunts smoke weed, and the pungent smell lingers through my windows, into my home.

Then you have the audacity to complain and tweet #WhereisBorris? Where is your fucking manners?

I don’t recall stating I’m happy that you smoke weed outside and encourage it to linger around! Honestly, would you like it if I poured bleach all over your dwellings? Do you like the smell of bleach with a hint of lemon?

I had to close my window, all of them!

I had to sit inside with the ever-increasing heat and the decreasing coverings of clothes from my body.

I dislike your disregard for my need for fresh cool air.

Just because you wish to fill your lungs with shit, does not mean that I share your style of living.

Heat!

When you create a small flame to light the end of your death stick.

Heat!

When its summertime in the United Kingdom and the sun is shining.

Heat!

When I must shut all my windows to prevent your addiction flowing through my space.

Heat!

My temper right now, I’ve had enough.

Wednesday Welp

I messed up yesterday, the day before that and last week if I’m being honest – a matter of fact.

I was supposed to be working on three short stories, but I’ve been doing nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

I’m constantly bombarded with the problems of others and it drains my energy and blocks my creative output.

It’s easy for many to say, ‘Don’t answer the phone, ignore them!’ but it’s hard for me to do. I realise now, I’m going to have to if I want to succeed in this life.

This is crazy, I try to be here for everyone, but it ends up meaning that I’m never here for myself.

In Other News: I Miss You

I miss your face

Your voice

Your sex

I miss your number because the law states always delete an ex

I miss you!

In other news, I remember when you stared into my eyes and lied

I remember when you silenced your voice, silent abuse made my love subside

I recall sex was? I don’t remember

Who the fuck were you? Dinner companionship last December? Nah!

You were, are and always will be a bitch!

I forgive you not, because forgiveness makes me slip…into the realm of your nonsense, remember you had no sense. Immune to my plight of neglect, yeah, your emotions were senseless.

In other news: I now know how to read minds.

PhD: 3 Days

For three whole days, I’ve been feeling down, low, lethargic!

I’m not sure what caused this, but I remember where it started – three days ago!

I woke up and thought, ‘Meh!’ in fact I may have made the sounds to go with it.

For months I’ve been trying to write a short story, it’s in my head. I know everything about the character, but I can’t get her to speak. She’s a devious woman, don’t feel sorry for her.

I guess it set it further and deeper than before, my PhD is now HD, and I feel the pressure even more.

All I wish to do is improve upon my grammar and punctuation, the way I speak words with my voice, my pronunciation and elocution. I know my strengths, my weaknesses, my opportunities and threats! I know my friends from my foes, to the superheroes above me.

I see my pathway, my purpose and feel my heart roar inside of me.

Little did I know that I would fall in love with the pen.

Blue ink pressed on paper, with Crow as my main friend.

I feel the jagged edges of the mountain pierce my skin, I know the literary world was destined for me – the only world I fit in.

I don’t speak much about how I feel, or why I feel how I feel when I do. Because people often hurt me and I don’t want people to form part of you!

I know myself.

I hear my mind and see the clarity within my heart.

I know Creative Writing is the only writing I’ll love eternally every part.