Tag: Life

I Understand – 17.10.2026

The weeks feel difficult to navigate on these glass-shard-covered pathways. You’re nearby, yet you won’t.

I can feel your energy. It’s screaming that you want to plug in and connect. Yet I sense that you’re holding back; through misaligned fear, you step back and restrain your thoughts in an attempt to force yourself to reset to a period before we connected.

Vulnerability is seeping from my soul. I have to stop myself from wanting to hug you. To dispel the mindset that I can bring you comfort, going against an innate fact that I know I can. For the first time in this lifetime, my patience is standing tall. There’s something eradicating the standard thoughts and processes. I’m deeply compelled to stay and be present for you.

Admittedly, I stopped fighting my feelings when I knew you created a safe space for me to express my raw thoughts and distinct emotions, without the gaze of societal judgements or the pressure of an incoming negative sound wave. 

Since Monday, my anxiety has been turbulent. I feel this deep urge to reach out and guide you into a warm embrace. I miss you.

This morning you found me selecting a suitable envelope, one that needed a little bit of tape. You came over, took my right hand in your left and expressed how much you’ve missed me. You guided me out, and I willingly followed, envelope still in my left.

There is no expectation. I want to show you the safe space I have for you. It’s at the volume you need, at the level you require, and, of course, if you would like to be hugged in silence, my arms are open. 

Today: January 18, 2026

Lying in bed, feeling depleted as my energy falls even lower than yesterday.

My body is hot, and my thoughts are cold. I ache from the inside out. But who truly cares for me, but me? 

Dreams wane, and my drive steers off course. I feel a crash, though black ice is hard to see. 

Impactful.

The stars that surround my vision and highlight a metaphorical limit still glow. Sometimes I catch a flicker of their unison to show me that one day they will die.

For now, I stay in bed. Considering my life choices and craving a mind-massage.

Don’t reply.

She – 25.09.2025 (End)

‘I’ll miss you now, but you’ll miss me the rest of your life.’ – Rosie

Today, she gave herself permission to let go. 

Though she felt completely dead inside, she knew that her weakness was the source of all her pain.

Today, she allowed her heart to open up and become the target. Her mind regurgitated memories of the lies he sang to her in the form of a unique connection and emotional bond.

Today, she created an opportunity for him to reassure her mind. Instead, he doubled down on his deceitful behaviour, and she sensed a hint of pleasure in his goodbye. It was akin to being bitten by a venomous snake and having the power to cure the heart. Choosing to smile in the face of someone who unequivocally valued you, prioritised you, and though you promised you’ll never hurt her. 

Your smile beams, glancing at the antidote and her life fading in…three, two, one.

Admittedly, the tears she created today were nothing in comparison to before. Her gift forced her to see the truth even before she was ready.

Her heart told her to stay and continued to pour into a non-existent soul. 

May she treat herself with kindness and stop wishing she never existed in such a heartless world. May her mind stop mocking her emotional intelligence and laughing at her inability to connect with a good man. May her memories stop belittling her luck, with constant reminders of all the red flags he stitched right before her.

Today, she gave herself permission to let go. 

She cried for forty-four minutes, switched the track to 16 Carriages by Beyoncé, wiped tears from her face, blew her nose, then sat back in bed and asked our universe for peace of mind.

September 25, 2025 (4)

‘I’ll miss you now, but you’ll miss me the rest of your life.’ – Rosie

Today, she gave herself permission to let go. 

Though she felt completely dead inside, she knew that her weakness was the source of all her pain.

Today, she allowed her heart to open up and become the target. Her mind regurgitated memories of the lies he sang to her in the form of a unique connection and emotional bond.

Today, she created an opportunity for him to reassure her mind. Instead, he doubled down on his deceitful behaviour, and she sensed a hint of pleasure in his goodbye. It was akin to being bitten by a venomous snake and having the power to cure the heart. Choosing to smile in the face of someone who unequivocally valued you, prioritised you, and though you promised you’ll never hurt her. 

Your smile beams, glancing at the antidote and her life fading in…three, two, one.

March 19, 2025

‘Advice is for the weak and I’m in profit.

At the top of this tree, I sit, and no one will clock it. Day by day, I grow and swell; I understand where you stand and how deceit bloats common minds.

I’m not defined by my words, but inflation steals my time.’

DR. UNIQUE

Pockets – 19.09.2024

Every time you have the time and space to improve, you do nothing.

I hint as I speak, I highlight with red rings of fire. Yet you sit back and act like a bitch. 

Stomp your feet and throw yourself onto a bed of floral, fresh memory foam, and you peek before your soft landing.

You pluck out yet another appeasement and sprinkle it around me, hoping it remains as effective as the last dose.

You forget that all things have an expiry date, even plastic degrades, eventually.

I could draw a map daily, provide a flashlight and, of course, sustenance, and guide you myself, but you’d get lost again. I’d forever state how lucky you were to end up exactly where you started.

It’s a miracle.

Bless my soul for believing in you. 

These days, I don’t even get my hiking boots on. I sit in a cosy chair, sip hot chocolate and catch up with EastEnders. There simply isn’t time to volunteer anymore.

Direction

Right now, I feel good. Thank you.

Tomorrow, I’ll feel better.

In an hour, I’ll feel restful and at peace with last weekend’s peril and demise.

I’m thankful for being taught valuable lessons and for confirmation that my spirit is centred and my moral compass is aligned with my purpose.

Take the Stage – 17.08.2024

Tonight

My head is tired.

My thoughts are on high-speed.

Abandonment is painful.

Everyone goes, eventually.

Trust is costly, and time is a trait of age.

I’m frozen with the memory that my writing was admonished for expressing my feelings. I’m cold with the thoughts that I thought you would never behave in this way.

Even knowing my trauma, you opened the curtains and re-enacted one of the worst things anyone has ever done in my life. 

Today – 17.08.2024

He saw I was down, injured by shards of misinterpretation. No! Misrepresentation! The information was ambiguous and clearly indicated a meeting.

I bled out, and he asked, ‘What are you up to?’ 

Then left me there for 24hrs.

Thankfully, I managed to get help. Miraculously, I survived the night. Regrettably, I sent a text. Notably, it went unanswered. Lazily, one word was sent in response. Secretly, I pondered over my next move.

I’m awake now. I reckon I’ll be okay. My new scars cover old scars, hiding my love for the unknown and perhaps the inconsiderate. 

Tears are there, and a great escape is pending, but I push back. Well, step back. This is too much. 

Now he’s gone.