Blackout

I’ve been tormented by your silence.

Incapacitated by your love.

Lost time over how you’ve treated me.

Scars on my arms and etched into my mind.

I never asked for this. I only wanted to love and be loved.

When you don’t like an action I’ve taken, you impose an order of silence.

I wait anxiously to discover the consequence.

I lay beside you, awake.

You hold me tightly and whisper.

Inside I’m broken.

Inside I’m broken.

Inside I’m broken.

I wake up and you’ve made breakfast.

You’re happy! You kiss me.

I’m confused.

Did you not?

Did we not?

Did I not?

Your body embraces mine on a sunlit balcony.

I want to feel bliss. But fear races through me.

Why am I afraid of you?

What I Want

What I want?

I want you to sweeten my days.

I miss what we once shared and had wished profusely that it never went away.

Our visit to that café was an experience I must say.

One that warms my soul on a cold summer’s day.

Over time I’ve wanted to reach out and say, ‘hey!’ But situations occurred and life swept me away.

What I want?

Is to kiss you, forever and forevermore.

I often dream you’ll arrive after midnight, with 3 taps lightly on my door.

Frequencies wrapped me up and tore away unfaithful thoughts. My mind calls them back and my heart always applauds.

I sometimes feel like a fraudulent existing life form, because if I’m honest and if our universe permits, I would freeze us in the eye of a love-storm…What I want?

What I want? Is to never miss you, because you’ll be here within my reach.

I want to hear your voice up close; I miss those long nights – just you and I.

Each second spent with you was both a curse and a blessing. And if I’m honest with all involved, I’ve understood a painful lesson.

What I want?

I want to feel your arms hold me tight, I want to kiss you goodnight and I want to hear you whisper, ‘everything’s going to be alright!’

I never imagined we’ll fall out and have silent fights. Ones where I feel, and I type and I write what’s black and what’s white. Feelings bite through my wrists like I might stop and…

What I want? Is to understand you. I don’t know you. I’ve never met you.

I want to like you.

I want to write with you.

I want to stand height to height with you.

I want to cite life with you.

I want to make delights with you.

I want to spend the night with you.

Who are you exactly? Where on earth did, we meet? How did you find me again? Why did you return?

What I want?

I want to set the world on fire and soar through the night sky.

I want to return to our universe, to be that sapphire blue star and die.

Over

📸: Pixabay

How did I arrive here?

When did I start to detest you?

[You hurt me]

I hear you want my magic, again.

I feel you miss me.

I know you need us.

Only over my dead body…

When did I become so lost?

Why did I lose focus?

How did love get so stale?

[You stabbed me 33 times]

I know you want to hold me.

I sense you genuinely care.

I heard you call my mind out.

Over my dead body…

When did I forget who I am?

How did I fail to acknowledge the red flags?

Why did I swipe right on you?

[You disrespected our relationship]

I know you’d never have left me.

I hurt from the mental abuse.

I cry for the physical detriment.

Over my dead body…

To feel my heart beating was a privilege you’ll never experience again.

To have my fine elixir drown your handsome face will never be repeated in this life or the next.

To hear my voice whisper how amazing you are will remain a pretty dream you have before my presence in your life haunts you.

Now I know your mind is defeated, I can sleep with ease.

Rest In Peace

Unique

Mind Games

When I know you’re a liar, lying to me right now.

Yet, I give you time and attention.

I hear my instinct saying, ‘Unique! What the fuck are you doing? Why are you bothering? You know he’s mentally screwing YOU!’

I love your voice, loved your voice, I adored the attention.

I accepted your lies, for nanoscopic specks of affection.

The Mindgame was a game played by two.

You believed I believed you and I knew the truth.

Secrets are Secret

Photo credit: Unsplash

Have you ever felt so strong that if you were shot, you could take it?

Like right here, right now.

BANG!

Through the centre of my heart, a bullet made from diamond pieced through.

My love for you poured out, crimson in colour, the temperature was the body.

Are you comfortable enough?

My heart is now faulty.

Pain, what pain? I’m too shocked to notice.

Eyes closed I hear your voice, ‘Unique, stay with me, baby.’

Like a baby, I lay helpless.

But I love this shade of red, it suits me.

You always looked impeccable in a suit darling, always.

I feel the warmth of your whisky infused breath, upon my eyebrows.

‘You can’t leave me Unique, we have a whole future together!’

I wonder if you noticed the expiry date when we joined up?

Thinking ‘forever’ never means the definition.

I found that out twenty seconds ago.

Have you ever felt so powerful, that if you were shot at, they would miss?

Rat-ta-ta-tah

(Pop, pop, Pop)

A bullet scrapes by the side of my neck. But you’re alright darling, that’s all that matters.

‘Unique, I love you with all my heart.’

My heart bleeds out, air drifts away from me.

I can’t feel your breathing anymore, I struggle to open my eyes.

I know I’m dying.

Rat-ta-tah!

‘Unique, I’m sorry baby. You know I love you, I do.’

Rah-ta-ta-tah, Rah-ta-ta-tah!

(Pop, pop, pop)

Every time you come around.

I take a few steps back, you make ten strides forward.

I tell you no.

You answer for me.

I lay motionless with a 5cm hole through my heart.

The beats are fading out.

Every time.

You return like the predicted coming of Jesus.

Only you’re here, right now.

BANG!

My brown eyes open the moment the bullet cuts into the skin between my eyebrows.

Breathing

My sun, my moon, my peace.

Everything I did was for you.

My moon, my sun, I sleep.

Everything you did was for you.

Never again will I see, never again will I feel.

Once loved, twice shot.

Twice shot, lovers plot.

11:11

Lovers plot? What’s the essence?

To kill for love, to kill equates to no sense.

No senses are working, I’m sorry.

Time of death.

‘I’m sorry, Unique! Please don’t die. I don’t know what came over me. I never wanted you to leave me. I’m sorry.’

He cradles my body and his tears and hysterics shower me with wasted energy.

‘I, I only wanted you to be mine. I wanted you to love me, just like I love you. Look, I wanted us to get married.’

He picks up the diamond ring from the side of my thigh and pushes it onto my ring finger.

He presses his lips upon mine and somehow ignores the blood that covering my Ruby Woo.

‘I panicked. Please, GOD! Please don’t let her die.’

His phone beeps.

He sends a reply.

He looks at pictures of us taken yesterday.

Plays the video

‘I wish we could spend the rest of our lives together, just us.’

‘I do too, baby girl.’

He phones the police.

Secrets are Secret