That’s Not My Story

You’ve done well.

I’m proud.

I’m inspired.

I’m somewhat happy for you. Honest.

The left side of my neck hurts.

You achieved something new to your life. Brilliant.

That’s not my story.

Do not wish the same for my life.

Our universe has chosen. I’m at peace with where I’m going.

Incomplete

📸: Unsplash

I find that you can be anything you want to be.

Speak it. Yes!

I saw a rainbow appear after a flash flood. As quick as it came, it was photographed and stored around the world. #Rainbow #Colour #Smile

Do you like to read?

I made pancakes this morning for breakfast.

I called Mother and she answered on the 3rd ring.

I reviewed the 268 blocked numbers on my WhatsApp and I unblocked 1.

Checked my phone for nothing in particular.

SWOT analysis bitch, I’m branding on those cookies!

I listened to Love Drought by Beyonce over 34 times today. I thought about you first and then him after. I considered unblocking you, but you’re a spineless cunt and while I don’t hate you – I don’t need you drowning my existence with your fake perception of life.

I tell myself daily, ‘Unique, remember who you are.’

Wishes

I wish you did not exist.

I wish we had never kissed.

I wish you didn’t fucking lie.

I wish simple things had never died.

I wish you weren’t a fucking cunt.

I wish your life weren’t a front.

I wish you didn’t lie to me.

I trust no one now and no more I will see.

Bullshit in my view.

Open Me

📸: Unique’s email notifications

Open Me

16.01.2020

Hey Unique,

I’m sending this email as I’ve noticed that you haven’t replied to any of my messages.

Why haven’t you responded?

Are you upset with me?

Have I done something to upset you?

I really hope you do reply! I’ve been wondering if you would like to meet up for lunch? Or maybe we could go for cocktails this weekend. But if you prefer lunch, then I do too.

Can’t wait to hear back from you.

Xo

**Meanwhile

Unique sits on a train heading up north to Edinburgh. She is sipping on Innocent orange juice while reading My Sister the Serial Killer.

Her phone is on flight mode.

Unique is listening to Beethoven, unbothered by life outside her mind.

Still

📸: Pixabay

[05:36, 06/01/2020] Unique: Still

Time stands still.

In my mind.

I’ve woken up daily for five months, hoping that everything between us would heal.

Everything.

I’ve checked my phone every night, hoping you’ll be in touch.

(You used to touch my mind all the time)

Today I woke up and accepted our friendship died last year.

I know you said you wanted to remain friends, and I know I wasn’t sure about that. (Felt weird)

I know our friendship no longer exists, like the woolly mammoth it walked out one day to forage for food and never returned.

And I accept that.

I do.

I’m sorry.

I know you wanted more than anything to keep our connection.

It was so pure, real, needed!

‘It was!’

Our bonsai tree requires care and attention. The leaves have long since faded and the roots refuse to absorb the nutrients.

I remember watching a leaf drop, only one.

The next day they had all fallen.

I remember when we were in touch with each other, every day/night.

Then every few days.

Then at least once a week.

Still.

Today I woke up and accepted our friendship faded back in 2019.

The moment that thought was let through the acceptance trial, I cried profusely.

You saved me.

I’ll always feel honoured you found me when you did.

As I write this on the 6th of January 2020, my heart hurts. My tears are fast and constant, that blinking still leaves my vision blurry.

Still

You’ll remain a continuous thought in my mind. I’ll always wonder how you’re doing and I’ll hope that ‘you’re okay.’

Still

It took me months to erase our conversation on WhatsApp. Remember our first exchange and then compare it to our last – I apologise.

I take peace in knowing I was there for you when you needed me.

I relish the comfort in the belief ‘Que Sera!’

The future is not mine to see.

Still

With you, I wanted to see everything.

‘Que Sera’

But whatever will be, will be.

Still

Our universe connected us in ways we never knew existed.

I appreciate the sentiment when you initiate contact and send a message via WhatsApp.

Seeing a video specifically for our conversation is alien.

Hearing a voice note from you, where you state my name is alien.

Although, those lil messages I found sweet.

I still miss our bond from day one.

I’ll never block your number, the conversation will always be open by phone. (I acknowledge ours is borderline extinction)

Our universe advised me not to become so cold.

I know you’ll need me soon.

The ice steals from fear, and my anxiety was losing you.

Still

I woke up this morning and accepted you left back in 2019

I woke up, and my heartfelt heavy with magic.

I have no regrets.

Still

There are people on this earth that completely cut off.

I know that’s not us.

I’m saying wherever you are, wherever I go, you will always have space here.

Still

I’m putting this into the universe because I trust our complexities.

I trust my heart.

I trust my choices.

I believe in my purpose.

I have strength.

I have energy.

I have a healthy mind.

I have scope.

I have insight.

I have unique abilities.

I have my heartbeat.

Until we reconnect

Farewell my forever sweet avocado 🥑

Forget Me…Not

📸: Galaxies

Forget my sapphire-blue hair, ruby-red lips and 34DDs.

Forget the calypso of Shea-butter oil, that exudes a sweet aroma from my hair.

Forget how I made you tingle all over, by delivering my honey kisses. When you longed for them, and when you dreamt about them. I always delivered.

Forget the moments of calm I instilled within a whisper.

Me talking you through the ways in which you will get through.

Me holding you tight and keeping you safe.

Me touching your mind in ways you never knew existed.

Me stroking you for hours and hours.

Not the aspects that you conveniently forgot about.

Not the conversations that floated off our tongues and into the universe.

Not the connection that was felt from our first exchange.

Not the star we built, shared and lost.

Forget me…not

I Never Existed

📸: Pixabay

You imagined a saviour.

You found me and I saved you.

You needed comforting.

You called me and I held you.

You desired to be loved.

You kissed me and I loved you. In a way that was real enough.

You needed your heart repairing.

You held me and I stitched the fragments back together.

You wanted peace and quiet

You expressed your wishes and I let you fall asleep on my thighs.

You had headaches and they stunned you each time.

You spoke of head massages and I massaged your mind.

You attempted to drown yourself.

I raced over and pulled you out of death. I performed first-aid and you choked, between your tears. We sat in silence, until your mind was here and not down there.

You abandoned me…like I never existed.

What I Learned in 2019

📸: Unsplash
  1. Friendships: I learnt that I don’t need years upon years to call someone a friend. I’ve met some fantastic people this year, and I’m happy that they’re in my life.
  2. Discussions: In 2020, I won’t be discussing the following aspects of my life – love, finances and challenges. I found through talking about such topics, it led to people watering down things and entwining their opinions with that they feel should be my actions.
  3. Advice: This links into the above a little, I won’t be taking any advice on the above. This year, I’ve asked for advice, and it’s all been nonsense. I’ve no time for it.
  4. Time: My time is just that, MINE! Some people have this sense of entitlement as if I owe a debt of time that can be paid back in random instalments. Time is so precious, I know that saying is cliché, but it is true. No longer will I allow my time to be stolen by time thieves, who never seem to grasp that I have no obligation to fulfil their requests.
  5. Creativity: This year, I have tapped into a part of my creativity that has allowed me to produce some amazing pieces. (I’m eternally thankful.) I’ve been writing more and I’m both proud and astonished at the short-stories I have created. Some have taken me months to tease out of my mind and translate onto paper.
  6. Reflection: I have a period of reflection every single day. I think about what goals I have completed and plan for the next day. It helps me to relax, as an introvert, I need to use a lot of mental energy, so reflective thinking is beautiful.

Although 2019 will be over in a few hours, I’m not running away from it. I accept it has been a turbulent year for me and with turbulence comes lessons learnt. I’m taking this knowledge into 2020 and building upon it.

Resolutions?

I don’t make resolutions, as goals I set, I start them the day I set them. No point in waiting for New Year’s Eve, life is never guaranteed.

Thank you all for following me on my creative journey, I shall try to post more frequently and read more. I truly appreciate your continuous support.

Thank you 2019

Unique

xX

No Ceilings

Picture Credit: Unsplash

No Ceilings in My Life

I was placed here in this universe for a reason.

People have tried on many occasions to dissuade me many times, both close friends and family.

There have even been times where I have believed, they are right, and I can’t do exactly what I want. Looking back there were a few occasions where I gave up on pursuing my passion.

It has taken me years to accept that I can remove those ceilings from my pathway. Which is up! Like a shooting star I shall rise and soar, and the world will see and feel me.

YEARS!

I’ve always felt this inherent desire about where my life will go. I’ve known my purpose in life since I was a young child. My journey is unique to me – I can’t tell you how to get to where you ultimately want to be. All I can say is that you should focus on your own pathway and listen to your heart.

What is working for me may only work for one other person. Or may not work at all.

I’m a firm believer that we all have a purpose in life – I felt it a few times during my childhood. It’s only now in my adult life that I’ve accepted it – I’m unique.

You’re Unique, there is no one else quite like you!

This event is happening now, you must trust your energy. Believe in our universe and take action with your dreams.

You are a creator.

You are important.

You are Unique.

The barriers around you are all a manifestation of negative energy.

Dilute that until it fades.

One thing I do more now is I step-up to the fear.

I feared telling someone how I felt about them.

I feared leaving.

I feared applying to study at University.

I feared tasting tofu (I know that’s random.)

Our universe is plentiful.

You must believe in yourself – break down your walls and build your own table.

Remember: People will do everything and more to ruin you. (Consciously and subconsciously.)

Success does not depend on your existence, it depends on your actions – believe in yourself.

Don’t just live, learn how to self-manifest.

You are the key, the major key, the ONLY key to your most sacred dreams.

How many times have you stated, ‘I’m going to start tomorrow,’ and then pushed back?

What are your habits?

Ultimately, they will form the basis of your manifestation.

Don’t run away from your gift! Embrace it. It loves you!

We are not just here to get by and work.

We are here to live and flourish within this life.

We were created to bless the world with our gifts.

You don’t need to have a huge following or likes. You don’t require approval from anyone else.

Embrace yourself.

Don’t be numbed by employment – work on your passion each day.

The world wants to share your gift and draw upon the energy and inspiration.

#ManifestNow

#YouHaveAPurpose

#YouAreUnique