I Saw Blue

From the files of Unique

I saw blue

Inhale and ask, I’ll hear and maybe listen.

Exhale and step back…I’m hurting.

I try to save myself, but I see my veins turning blue. My favourite hue so I don’t stop it.

Say my name!

Save me!

Do I need you?

Uncertainty pushes stagnation deeper and I plunge into darkness.

I need someone to help me up.

I need an anecdote. Something amusing.

I’ve already tried forgiveness.

I tried believing.

 Inhale and maybe I’ll hear your voice.

Exhale, step back…I’m crying.

You’re acting kinda shady!

What’s my name?

I’m not a temporary thing.

I’m not your option.

I’m not a fuckin time stamp!

I’m not your second or third.

I’m not your escape.

I’m not your therapist.

Equally, I’m not your bitch!

Oo blue oozes out of my purpose. I find it hard to cry because I’ve done that many times before and nothing changes.

Who am I?

You like to fuck with my conscience. That’s why I’m in this position.

You act like I don’t exist.

You act like I don’t exist.

You act like I don’t exist.

Today is not a year ago!

FUCK YOU!

Why am I here?

Why did you drag me here?

Why didn’t you leave me there?

Blue bleeds through the air I breathe.

I often drown into memories of your eyes.

I saw blue…

Dream Girl

You have long hair, it’s braided.

Your lips are smoothed in red.

Your hair is sweet with coconut and honey aromas.

Your eyes are brown – I love your eyes.

Your eyelashes are curled and I know that’s all-natural.

Your lips taste like cherries.

You sound like an angel from the garden of Bliss.

Your skin is soft and I know you use coconut oil to moisturise your body.

Your body is beautiful.

Your mind is unique.

My dream girl…

Disconnection

📸: Pixabay

No arguments.

No additional information.

No reminders.

No pleas!

No statements.

No subliminal memes on my status updates.

No cryptic tweets.

No hashtag.

No handwritten letters.

No obvious notion.

No phone call.

No smokescreen.

No emails.

No screenshots.

No reminiscing.

No dreams about cutting you up into tiny pieces, seasoning you with a pinch of salt and a cup of pepper and feeding you to a murder of CROWS.

*I simply blocked and deleted your connections to me.

Over

📸: Pixabay

How did I arrive here?

When did I start to detest you?

[You hurt me]

I hear you want my magic, again.

I feel you miss me.

I know you need us.

Only over my dead body…

When did I become so lost?

Why did I lose focus?

How did love get so stale?

[You stabbed me 33 times]

I know you want to hold me.

I sense you genuinely care.

I heard you call my mind out.

Over my dead body…

When did I forget who I am?

How did I fail to acknowledge the red flags?

Why did I swipe right on you?

[You disrespected our relationship]

I know you’d never have left me.

I hurt from the mental abuse.

I cry for the physical detriment.

Over my dead body…

To feel my heart beating was a privilege you’ll never experience again.

To have my fine elixir drown your handsome face will never be repeated in this life or the next.

To hear my voice whisper how amazing you are will remain a pretty dream you have before my presence in your life haunts you.

Now I know your mind is defeated, I can sleep with ease.

Rest In Peace

Unique

I Said It

You found a bitch while receiving my magic. You were healing when you found a bitch.

I say, ‘fuck your new love that you think you’ve found, and since you keep making contact I know she’s not profound.’

You awarded her credit for the hard work I put in with you.

I’m just saying, ‘you’ll never do better.’

Tell you that you’ve read that lately?

I’m not hating, I’m just stating. FACTS!

My homie said you’re a crazy fucking USER.

That was the first time in a long time I laughed until I cried.

Rain

📸: Unsplash

With my tears, I could flood a whole city.

I always paid attention to you.

April 22nd I cut that lifeline.

I cut you out of my life.

I was your line.

Emotions poured out like a river running wild, transforming into a tsunami and breaking the rules around love and the living.

Cascading through the area and hoping the glue melts away.

I held you up and gave you my energy.

You floated away and came back with new sight.

I see not your blue eyes.

I see not your grey eyes.

I see not your green eyes.

I can’t stop this!

I need to explode, rather implode on myself. I’m expressing today, I’m expressing.

At my knees, my tears caress my calves. The fragrance is cherry…I used to kiss you with cherry flavoured Carmex.

I lay on my bed and feel my tears submerge my thoughts.

9 times out of 10 I’m in my feelings…

With the negative memories you left behind, I lift the roof off my home and let the tears of the hurt ones pour in like rain.

I’m weighed down to the bed as my heart is heavy and drowning in memories seems fitting.

Enough

He told me I was more than enough.

He stomped on my heart.

He cut through and now I’m permanently scarred.

Now I think about it daily and its old news.

He told me that I’m not enough.

It cut so deep I bleed out.

I fell apart.

From my core…I didn’t know before.

Feelings could be so powerful.

Devil in the form of a bull.

You said this, ‘Unique, I want you in my life forever! I know no one like you.’

He trampled across my wrists, his hooves fragmenting my bones.

He squeezed my throat; I lost my voice. He once told me my voice was beautiful.

He lied to my eyes – most of the texts he composed were made up happenings.

Surprised when he caught me off guard.

I’m now covered in scars and I can’t hide them.

He told me I’m more than enough before he crushed my ankles with the weight of his disrespect.

He fooled me twice and it’s all my fault.

I let a wild bull storm into my life and intoxicate me.

I was more than enough.

He was my homie I thought.

He was my love I thought.

He was my everything I thought.

His horns pierced into my eyes, gauging out the only good vision I had left of him.

Devil in the form of a bull.

Incomplete

📸: Unsplash

I find that you can be anything you want to be.

Speak it. Yes!

I saw a rainbow appear after a flash flood. As quick as it came, it was photographed and stored around the world. #Rainbow #Colour #Smile

Do you like to read?

I made pancakes this morning for breakfast.

I called Mother and she answered on the 3rd ring.

I reviewed the 268 blocked numbers on my WhatsApp and I unblocked 1.

Checked my phone for nothing in particular.

SWOT analysis bitch, I’m branding on those cookies!

I listened to Love Drought by Beyonce over 34 times today. I thought about you first and then him after. I considered unblocking you, but you’re a spineless cunt and while I don’t hate you – I don’t need you drowning my existence with your fake perception of life.

I tell myself daily, ‘Unique, remember who you are.’

White Man’z World – Tupac Shakur

Song by Tupac Shakur 1996

“You go bustin’ your fist against a stone wall,
you’re not usin’ your brain. That’s what the white man wants you to do.
Look at you! What makes you ashamed of bein black?”
(Nothin’ but love for you my sister)
Might even know how hard it is (no doubt)
Bein’ a woman, a black woman at that? (no doubt)
Shit – in this white man’s world
Sometimes we overlook the fact that we be ridin hard on our sisters
We don’t be knowin the pain we be causin’ (in this white man’s world)
In this white man’s world, I ain’t sayin’ I’m innocent in all this
I’m just sayin (in this white man’s world)
This song is for y’all


For all those times that I messed up or we messed up

Dear sister, got me twisted up in prison I miss ya
Cryin’ lookin’ at my niece’s and my newphew’s picture
They say don’t let this cruel world get ya, kinda suspicious
Swearin’ one day you might leave me, for somebody that’s richer
Twist the cap off the bottle, I take a sip and see tomorrow
Gotta make if I have to beg or borrow
Readin’ love letters; late night, locked down and quiet
If brothers don’t receive they mail best believe we riot
Eatin’ Jack-Mack ? starin’ at walls of silence
Inside this cage where they captured all my rage and violence
In time I learned a few lessons, never fall for riches
Apologizes to my true sisters; far from bitches
Help me raise my black nation reparations are due, it’s true
Caught up in this world I took advantage of you
So tell the babies how I love them, precious boys and girls
Born black in this white man’s worldand all I heard was Who, knows what tomorrow brings
In this world, where everyone’s blind
And where to go, no matter how far I’ll find
To let you know, that you’re not alone
Only thing they ever did wrong (yes, yes)
Was bein born black, in this white man’s world (no doubt)
(All my ghetto motherfuckers be proud to be black and be proud)
All my little black seeds, born black in this white man’s world
(to have this shit like this, cause ain’t nobody got it like this)
(All these motherfuckers want to be like us, they all want to be like us)
(To be the have-nots, all hail)
(God bless the child that can hold his own, no motherfuckin’ doubt)

Bein’ born with less I must confess only adds on to the stress
Two gunshots to my homie’s head, died in his vest
Shot him to death and left him bleedin’ for his family to see

I pass his casket gently askin, is there heaven for G’s?
My homeboy’s doin life, his baby momma be stressin’
Sheddin’ tears when her son, finally ask that questions
Where my daddy at? Mama why we live so poor?
Why you cryin? Heard you late night through my bedroom door
Now do you love me mama? Why they keep on callin’ me nigga?
Get my weight up with my hate and pay ’em back when I’m bigger
And still thuggin in this jail cell, missin’ my block
Hearin brothers screamin’ all night, wishin’ they’d stop
Proud to be black but why we act like we don’t love ourselves
Don’t look around busta (you sucka) check yourselves


Know what it MEANS to be black, whether a man or girl
We still strugglin’, in this white man’s world

Who, knows what tomorrow brings
In this world, where everyone’s blind
And where to go, no matter how far I’ll find
To let you know, that you’re not alone
Only thing they ever did wrong (yes, yes)
Was bein born black, in this white man’s world (no doubt)
(All my ghetto motherfuckers be proud to be black and be proud)
All my little black seeds, born black in this white man’s world
(to have this shit like this, cause ain’t nobody got it like this)
(All these motherfuckers want to be like us, they all want to be like us)
(To be the have-nots, all hail)
(God bless the child that can hold his own, no motherfuckin’ doubt)We must fight, for brother Mumia
We must fight, for brother Mutulu
And we must fight, for brother ?
We must fight, for brother Geronimo Pratt
We must fight, for ?, Zulu, ?
We must fight, for the government’s political prisoners
They are locked up falsely by this white man

So tell me why you
Changed to choose a new direction, in the blink of an eye
My time away just made perfection, did you think I’d die?
Not gon’ cry, why should I care
Like we holdin’ on to lost love that’s no longer there
Can you please help me, God bless me please keep my seeds healthy
Makin’ all my enemies bleed while my G’s wealthy
Hopin’ they bury me with ammunition’s, weed, and shells
Just in case they trip in heaven, ain’t no G’s hell
Sister sorry for the pain that I caused your heart
I know I’ll change if you help me, but don’t fall apart
Rest in peace to Latasha, Lil’ Yummy, and Kato
Too much for this cold world to take – ended up bein fatal
Every women in America, especially black
Bear with me, can’t you see, that we under attack

I never meant to cause drama, to my sister and mama
Hope we make it, to better times, in this white man’s world

Who, knows what tomorrow brings
In this world, where everyone’s blind
And where to go, no matter how far I’ll find
To let you know, that you’re not alone
Only thing they ever did wrong (yes, yes)
Was bein born black, in this white man’s world (no doubt)
(All my ghetto motherfuckers be proud to be black and be proud)
All my little black seeds, born black in this white man’s world
(to have this shit like this, cause ain’t nobody got it like this)
(All these motherfuckers want to be like us, they all want to be like us)
(To be the have-nots, all hail)
(God bless the child that can hold his own, no motherfuckin’ doubt)Who, knows what tomorrow brings
In this world, where everyone’s blind
And where to go, no matter how far I’ll find
To let you know, that you’re not alone
Only thing they ever did wrong (yes, yes)
Was bein born black, in this white man’s world (no doubt)
(All my ghetto motherfuckers be proud to be black and be proud)
All my little black seeds, born black in this white man’s world
(to have this shit like this, cause ain’t nobody got it like this)
(All these motherfuckers want to be like us, they all want to be like us)
(To be the have-nots, all hail)
(God bless the child that can hold his own, no motherfuckin’ doubt)Who, knows what tomorrow brings
In this world, where everyone’s blind
And where to go, no matter how far I’ll find
To let you know, that you’re not alone
Only thing they ever did wrong (yes, yes)
Was bein born black, in this white man’s world (no doubt)
(All my ghetto motherfuckers be proud to be black and be proud)
All my little black seeds, born black in this white man’s world
(to have this shit like this, cause ain’t nobody got it like this)
(All these motherfuckers want to be like us, they all want to be like us)
(To be the have-nots, all hail)
(God bless the child that can hold his own, no motherfuckin’ doubt)”You’re out of touch with reality!
There are a few of you in a few smoke filled rooms ? that
The mainstream wound up masses of the people
White and black, red yellow, and, and brown
? invulnerable are suffering, in this nation.”Remember that, in this white man’s world, they can’t stop us
We’ve been here all this time they ain’t took us out
They can never take us out
No matter what they say, about us bein extinct
About us being endangered species, we ain’t never gon’ leave this
We ain’t never gon’ walk off this planet, unless y’all choose to
Use your brain, use your brain

It ain’t them that’s killin’ us it’s US that’s killin’ us
It ain’t them that’s knockin’ us off, it’s US that’s knockin’ us off
I’m tellin’ you better watch it, or be a victim
Be a victim, in this white man’s world,
? born black, in this white man’s world, no doubt
And it’s dedicated to my motherfuckin teachers
Mutulu Shakur, Geronimo Pratt, Mumia Abu Jamal
Sekou Odinga, all the real O.G.’s, we out

The seal, and the constitution, reflect the thinking
Of the founding fathers, that this was, to be a nation
By white people, and for white people. Native americans,
Blacks, and all other non-white people, were to be the
Burden bearers, for the real citizens of this nation.

That Kind of Thought Process

Imagine being hated because your skin colour is beautiful.

The malleable minds of the ignorant launder their uneducated thought processes into the world and believe their demented tales.

They lie, each day.

The energy you place into hatred is sad. I once read an article about the number of hours we spend at work throughout our entire life. They spend more time hating black people.

Your legacy will be as follows:

Born innocent and full of joy and curiosity.

Sadly, taught hatred and spent [insert number of years] antagonising and murdering black people.

The build-up of nonsensical resentment meant that the entire world missed out on progressing.

Unfortunately, in death, they won’t find peace.

We all have a purpose here in our universe and I can tell you with absolute certainty, that our purpose in life is to grow together!

What you do to others will come back to a connection in your life ten-fold. You could spend a lifetime taunting non-whites and lose your wife to cancer. The pain you feel then is nothing compared to the families of all those innocent lives you ruined and ended.

I hope you change your ways and help to heal the world.