It’s been a while.
I’ve often lied to myself, hoping my words would somehow become reality.
Recently, I intentionally apologised for something I did not do.
Imagine being ill and at every turn, you’re met with a fog of silence. Every other week, you may hear something, if you’re lucky enough.
For years, I have waded through this toxic forest and somehow mastered the art of masking.
For every ten new faces, I practice, practice, practice. The past few months have brought me to my knees. I bared my soul. I have buried myself in shame and disgust.
Yes. I’m deeply disappointed in myself for allowing him to plug in and farm my essence.
(2)
In the early hours of this morning, I laid her to rest. She fought back, and it hurts me to share this. I drowned her mind with the truth. I forced her to review all of those forms of connection. I passed her the blade and gave her the privacy to cut away each toxic string.
From the moment the star was violently thrown on the floor, she knew. Her ties to Jamaica are shared through genuine love and appreciation. However, regret consumes her, as the gifts were undeserving.
Many times she has arrived at the entrance of this portal. Her idea of ‘love’ is toxic and forever holds her back.
(3)
It has been twenty-four hours since she disconnected. Less than the five hundred and four hours he had waited to enquire.
He acted like a psychologist in a position of care and trust. Secured her trust for his reign of deceit. She had never liked silver or gold; her existence is worth more. He felt her energy and wanted to tap in whenever he needed her, akin to visiting a petrol station for more fuel. Only, he never imagined having to pay.
Over time, he drugged her with words and spiked her with intimacy. Encouraged her to share and trust…Essentially, he challenged himself to pillage from her kingdom, leaving her in his words ‘broken, overthinking and confused.’
(4)
May those who intentionally hurt others suffer. May redemption never become an option.
May the truth be set free and her lifeless connection stay disengaged with the influencer and connected to her heartbeats.
(5)
Ps. I know you hate me. Your true thoughts have been shown to me, through time.
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