Category: From the Files of: Crow & Unique

K.

From the files of Crow.

May 20—

Unique why do you shake, breathe deeply and not speak?
‘K’
Did what to you? Where? What did they seek?
‘K’

A little black ball of feathers turns red like the mist surrounding danger!

How dare he! How dare they!
‘K’

Now you’re crying, and they’re lying, he’s lying to be precise. I will cut him; I will pierce him, I will chop him up and make meaty ice!

‘K’
Fuck K!
Fuck K!
There’s no ‘K’ in Crow.
Fuck his title!
Fuck his life; K will breathe no more.

It makes me angry!
I will get revenge.
For you, Unique, vengeance will lead to a glorious end.

‘K’

For three whole days, Crow flew, and he flew. He located the ‘K’ and extracted a bloody dew. Drop by drop he drank and her cursed. ‘Bad behaviour around Unique, blesses the cunt with a curse. Apologies K, I’m King Crow. I’ll start with your left eye and then tear your baby toes.’

He did as he spoke.
He drank, and he cackled.
He pecked, and he poked into holes he created.

He hopped onto the big toe and inscribed Crow deep within the ankle.

K pleaded and pleaded as his life slipped away. Unbalance Unique and Crow will ensure you pay.

The Box

Crow bought home a large box.

Added his homemade bagels to the box.

Sprinkled herb crust in the box.

Hopped around happy by the box.

Screamed at the box.

Rubbed on the box.

Purred by the box.

Confided some wet dreams to the box.

Added his shit to the box.

Laughed at the box.

Then stared at the box, until it caught flame and burnt down to nothing.

He explained, ‘Unique, I needed to clear my mind.’

I couldn’t shout at Crow. The box was pink, who likes pink?

Once the ashes had cooled down, I swept up the remnants of the box, scattering them into my velvet blue Dulux Box.

The Dulux Box

It was delivered at 11:11 to my penthouse apartment.

I received the box and felt a sense of unease; it was blue, my favourite colour. But you never knew this, no one knew.

The box was velvet, which is a texture that makes my skin tingle. I hate it.

I sign for the box. Unique Dame.

I open it up and there it is, you did it.

I can’t say I’m proud of you. I wish you would leave me alone.

Well, leave me be. I’m happy.

When I said, I want your heart, not your money – I never meant your actual heart.

I assumed you were non-committal, and it would encourage you to disappear.

Crow had warned me months before, and he said: ‘Unique, your use of words can confuse the average man.’

Unique’s Song

Unique’s Song

Unique & Crow, like to sing, every day, in fact.

Unique thinks she sounds like Mariah Carey, Crow thinks she sounds like trash.

Listen…

‘Red, yellow, green.’

‘Blood, bananas, broccoli.’

‘Green, purple, black.’

‘Puss, bruises, rats.’

‘Black, pink, white.’

‘Scabs, flesh, die!’

‘White, blue, orange.’

‘Coffin, eyes, LUNCH!’

Crow flew on the bronze fruit-bowl and devoured two oranges.

A B C

A is for Authentic

B is for Bagel

C is for Crow

D is for Unique

E is for Unique

F is for Unique

G is for Unique

H is for Unique

I is for Unique

J is for Unique

K is for Unique

L is for Unique

M is for Unique

N is for Unique

O is for Unique

P is for Unique

Q is for Unique

R is for Unique

S is for Unique

T is for Unique

U is for Ubiquitous

V is for Unique

W is for Unique

X is for Unique

Y is for Unique

Z is for Unique

Mr Smith

From the mind of Crow

Mr Smith

Mr Smith had a big house and a white picket fence.

Perched on a tree beside Mr Smiths bathroom window, Crow thought about ways to help Mr Smith.

The next day Mr Smith screamed in horror, at the discovery of a giant dead rat.

     It was both the large size and that its head was now hanging from the hot tap in the bath, that caused Mr Smith to faint.

Upon waking up, he found the head of the rat, glued onto his own head. Teeth embedded into his left eyebrow. Tail pushed into his bleeding right thigh.

Beyond the screams of pain, Crow can be heard singing his most beautiful song yet.