Tag: InMyFeelings

Pussy

You got the pussy

But not the time

My life is fine

She’s not divine

I’ve got the vibe

My mind is mine

You want my time

I’m not inclined

I taste sublime

You’ll always mind

Moments so fine

I’m divine

I have no time

Apparently

Apparently, I’m not good enough.

So you push back on my prospects.

We all must live with our choices, until the end of our lives.

I’m not here.

I’m a figment of your imagination.

Even the sweetest moments were lost.

Know that back then…I never thought this was possible.

I envisioned a delusion.

Know that I died that day.

Know that I was buried in a capsule of bullshit.

Know that my last thoughts were of the good times you conjured up.

One Year

This time last year I was being lied to. I trusted this person and they lied to me. For months…at the final hour, they departed my life.

 Piano Sonata No.14 Beethoven plays as I type.

They then tried to keep hold of aspects. It was a challenging moment, but I managed to free myself from all detrimental scenario(s.)

They tried to keep hold of what they lacked without my presence. 

This time last year I felt these negative vibes – I ignored them in exchange for temporary details.

     Burning red flags presented themselves at every turn. I fanned them away, in favour of something amazing? Like I said, this person had my trust!

This time last year, I danced with deception and flirted with fakery. 

The impact

  • They’ve permanently lost my confidence in their ability, to be honest, and show integrity.
  • I can’t comprehend why I ignored the inferno that roared inches from my body.
  • Our universe will raise them up and at their pinnacle moment of self-actualisation cracks will deepen into graves for their bounty of happiness.
  • I’ll pay my respects with a single hemp seed.

Update

  • private & confidential.
  • My circles are trustworthy.
  • My life is abundant in love.
  • All red flags are acknowledged.

Future Scope

  • We will never see one another again.
  • We will never correspond in any way, shape or form.
  • When the last petal falls and they burn away the facade, I won’t hear the formation of a river from painful tears.

  Legacy

  • They ignited this insatiable thirst. I drink deeply, daily!
  • I’m grateful for the double-edged sword they used to slit gaps in my circulation. I can’t stop the bleed – vampires wait to be fed. They present lies in exchange for life.
  • Private and confidential.

June 26th 2020: An Arbitrary Thought

📸Unique

I found joy today, in the form of a bag of lettuce.

It was pre-washed and still crunchy, despite the hints of light brown around some of the edges.

I gave it companionship by placing slices of cucumber beside it and I showered it with sesame seeds after this picture was taken.

The heat embraced my body with its hotness, but a cool breeze broke through and glided around me.

Right now, I’m thankful for my readers – without you, only my mind would enjoy these words.

HEAT

📸Unique

I have nothing summery to wear or nothing that would be deemed summer-ish!

So, I found an old pair of shorts and an even older vest top. I changed into this ensemble after my shower and strolled around my home, feeling like a super-star!

No, it’s true, I have no bra on.

It’s too hot!

Who wants to wrap their breasts into a bra, a burgundy bra, a burgundy lace bra? ‘Not I’ said Unique.

Said me. Said I.

Picture this:

I’m sprawled out on my Livingroom rug, windows wide open and enjoying a mild cool breeze flowing down and over my body. I remained on my back for a moment and this moment was like 45 minutes long.

     My breasts are free and breathing deeply. What? You never knew that breasts could breathe? Haha, I’m referencing my deep inhales and exhales.

I’m speaking about airflow.

Laying here I’m undisturbed, my phone is on flight mode and at the bottom of a bedroom drawer. You know, the drawer filled with panties I only wear when menstruating. Yeah, I don’t mind telling you about it – all my panties are clean and hold the sweet aroma of cherry blossom.

After 45 minutes I get up and head into the kitchen. Grab a bottle of water, open it and add a few drops of lemon juice. I take a deep gulp and feel renewed.

My home is hot, but not all rooms the coolest is the bathroom. But what writer do you know spends the day in their bathroom, writing? But it’s so cool, so I sat in there for 8 minutes at a time.

It would never be considered as strange, as no one need know – until you.

Right now, I’m writing about my day and about the heat that rose through my heart into my veins and through to my keyboard. I’m not the best writer in the world, my mistakes in writing are glaringly obvious – I’m not hiding from you. I’m proud of who I am and how my life is evolving!

My creative nature contains no restrictions. Sometimes I write from my heart, other times I write from my mind, today I write from my body – I write from my breasts.

Suck on that for a moment, I’m still melting…

I Saw Blue

From the files of Unique

I saw blue

Inhale and ask, I’ll hear and maybe listen.

Exhale and step back…I’m hurting.

I try to save myself, but I see my veins turning blue. My favourite hue so I don’t stop it.

Say my name!

Save me!

Do I need you?

Uncertainty pushes stagnation deeper and I plunge into darkness.

I need someone to help me up.

I need an anecdote. Something amusing.

I’ve already tried forgiveness.

I tried believing.

 Inhale and maybe I’ll hear your voice.

Exhale, step back…I’m crying.

You’re acting kinda shady!

What’s my name?

I’m not a temporary thing.

I’m not your option.

I’m not a fuckin time stamp!

I’m not your second or third.

I’m not your escape.

I’m not your therapist.

Equally, I’m not your bitch!

Oo blue oozes out of my purpose. I find it hard to cry because I’ve done that many times before and nothing changes.

Who am I?

You like to fuck with my conscience. That’s why I’m in this position.

You act like I don’t exist.

You act like I don’t exist.

You act like I don’t exist.

Today is not a year ago!

FUCK YOU!

Why am I here?

Why did you drag me here?

Why didn’t you leave me there?

Blue bleeds through the air I breathe.

I often drown into memories of your eyes.

I saw blue…

Over

📸: Pixabay

How did I arrive here?

When did I start to detest you?

[You hurt me]

I hear you want my magic, again.

I feel you miss me.

I know you need us.

Only over my dead body…

When did I become so lost?

Why did I lose focus?

How did love get so stale?

[You stabbed me 33 times]

I know you want to hold me.

I sense you genuinely care.

I heard you call my mind out.

Over my dead body…

When did I forget who I am?

How did I fail to acknowledge the red flags?

Why did I swipe right on you?

[You disrespected our relationship]

I know you’d never have left me.

I hurt from the mental abuse.

I cry for the physical detriment.

Over my dead body…

To feel my heart beating was a privilege you’ll never experience again.

To have my fine elixir drown your handsome face will never be repeated in this life or the next.

To hear my voice whisper how amazing you are will remain a pretty dream you have before my presence in your life haunts you.

Now I know your mind is defeated, I can sleep with ease.

Rest In Peace

Unique

I Said It

You found a bitch while receiving my magic. You were healing when you found a bitch.

I say, ‘fuck your new love that you think you’ve found, and since you keep making contact I know she’s not profound.’

You awarded her credit for the hard work I put in with you.

I’m just saying, ‘you’ll never do better.’

Tell you that you’ve read that lately?

I’m not hating, I’m just stating. FACTS!

My homie said you’re a crazy fucking USER.

That was the first time in a long time I laughed until I cried.

Enough

He told me I was more than enough.

He stomped on my heart.

He cut through and now I’m permanently scarred.

Now I think about it daily and its old news.

He told me that I’m not enough.

It cut so deep I bleed out.

I fell apart.

From my core…I didn’t know before.

Feelings could be so powerful.

Devil in the form of a bull.

You said this, ‘Unique, I want you in my life forever! I know no one like you.’

He trampled across my wrists, his hooves fragmenting my bones.

He squeezed my throat; I lost my voice. He once told me my voice was beautiful.

He lied to my eyes – most of the texts he composed were made up happenings.

Surprised when he caught me off guard.

I’m now covered in scars and I can’t hide them.

He told me I’m more than enough before he crushed my ankles with the weight of his disrespect.

He fooled me twice and it’s all my fault.

I let a wild bull storm into my life and intoxicate me.

I was more than enough.

He was my homie I thought.

He was my love I thought.

He was my everything I thought.

His horns pierced into my eyes, gauging out the only good vision I had left of him.

Devil in the form of a bull.

Incomplete

📸: Unsplash

I find that you can be anything you want to be.

Speak it. Yes!

I saw a rainbow appear after a flash flood. As quick as it came, it was photographed and stored around the world. #Rainbow #Colour #Smile

Do you like to read?

I made pancakes this morning for breakfast.

I called Mother and she answered on the 3rd ring.

I reviewed the 268 blocked numbers on my WhatsApp and I unblocked 1.

Checked my phone for nothing in particular.

SWOT analysis bitch, I’m branding on those cookies!

I listened to Love Drought by Beyonce over 34 times today. I thought about you first and then him after. I considered unblocking you, but you’re a spineless cunt and while I don’t hate you – I don’t need you drowning my existence with your fake perception of life.

I tell myself daily, ‘Unique, remember who you are.’

Are You Awake?

When I’m alone with my thoughts wishing our world was better, I think about you.

It’s dark in our country at this moment in time and I know you’re at home, eyes open and head down.

I would pray you call, but I remember your faults. And prayer is a conversation with myself.

You beat down my soul and drowned me in your lies. Water puts out fire it’s true, but ice can also burn through flesh.

I picture your tainted bar; you know the one you pissed on with your weaknesses. I recall that leash around your neck, only allowed you to commute to your office, home and wherever the Boss commanded you.

Are you awake?

Of course, you hiss desperation into the air and blow that through to my ears. Then you cry alone under the safety of a user for an employee.

I remember the mornings you beeped into my private space…scattered messages, deeper lies and flattened truths.

Let me tell you, the lies you spawned this time last year have already manifested over what you claim to fly with. When yet another drains your existence, you’ll wish you were sleeping eternally.

In satisfactory memory of the worm that wiggled its way through my fruit bowl.

The Blame Game

At first, they blamed a group of people, because a video went viral and showed someone eating a bat.

Then they blamed a lab for allowing it to break free.

Then a small city was blamed and all the residents were labelled as people saw fit.

Later an entire country was blamed for it causing this.

They once ridiculed the health services and mocked cleaners, spat on bin men and stole from the doorsteps delivery drivers frequented.

Now they cheer them – they clap for our carers because they tell themselves that if I clap on a Thursday at 2000 GMT if I ever get COVID19 the NHS will save me.

Some blame the NHS for treating the sick, commenting, ‘You’re spreading COVID19, as you’re in contact with people who have it.’

Then they blame the government for suggesting we stay inside, stay safe and protect others, to keep everyone alive.

‘The Government have made the virus up!’  I heard a man state as I visited Tesco’s, ‘they wanna keep us quiet so that they can build more 5G towers! Fuck Trump!’

Then 5G towers were burnt to the core, apparently, they spread COVID19.

The blame was placed onto Corona beer, how unfortunate and unjust.

The blame shifted to the elderly, their immunity the lowest.

The blame was placed onto vegans and then taken away. The sales of oat milk shot up tenfold, what more could anyone say?

The blame was actioned on black people who resided in the country COVID19 was born. Videos circulated showing them being banned from the stores and locked out from their temporary homes.

The blame was sprinkled across wet markets over there and there and there. However, they continued the operate even though COVID19 had taken away many lives.

The blame sauntered to news reporters, medical staff, public transportation and lack of sanitation. #WashYourHands the main form of mass communication.

We are a world that enjoys pointing fingers, like the only kid that never stole a cookie from the jar. COVID19 is still present, yet we #Blame others and focus on who to troll next?

SOME PEOPLE SHOW NO SYMPTOMS OF HAVING CORONAVIRUS

We all lose out in the end, COVID19 does not discriminate.

The blame masturbated over social media and climaxed in the eyes of many…

Heat

The heat is nice during the daytime, I can open my windows and enjoy the breeze.

However, you fucking disrespectful cunts smoke weed, and the pungent smell lingers through my windows, into my home.

Then you have the audacity to complain and tweet #WhereisBorris? Where is your fucking manners?

I don’t recall stating I’m happy that you smoke weed outside and encourage it to linger around! Honestly, would you like it if I poured bleach all over your dwellings? Do you like the smell of bleach with a hint of lemon?

I had to close my window, all of them!

I had to sit inside with the ever-increasing heat and the decreasing coverings of clothes from my body.

I dislike your disregard for my need for fresh cool air.

Just because you wish to fill your lungs with shit, does not mean that I share your style of living.

Heat!

When you create a small flame to light the end of your death stick.

Heat!

When its summertime in the United Kingdom and the sun is shining.

Heat!

When I must shut all my windows to prevent your addiction flowing through my space.

Heat!

My temper right now, I’ve had enough.

Wednesday Welp

I messed up yesterday, the day before that and last week if I’m being honest – a matter of fact.

I was supposed to be working on three short stories, but I’ve been doing nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

I’m constantly bombarded with the problems of others and it drains my energy and blocks my creative output.

It’s easy for many to say, ‘Don’t answer the phone, ignore them!’ but it’s hard for me to do. I realise now, I’m going to have to if I want to succeed in this life.

This is crazy, I try to be here for everyone, but it ends up meaning that I’m never here for myself.

In Other News: I Miss You

I miss your face

Your voice

Your sex

I miss your number because the law states always delete an ex

I miss you!

In other news, I remember when you stared into my eyes and lied

I remember when you silenced your voice, silent abuse made my love subside

I recall sex was? I don’t remember

Who the fuck were you? Dinner companionship last December? Nah!

You were, are and always will be a bitch!

I forgive you not, because forgiveness makes me slip…into the realm of your nonsense, remember you had no sense. Immune to my plight of neglect, yeah, your emotions were senseless.

In other news: I now know how to read minds.

PhD: 3 Days

For three whole days, I’ve been feeling down, low, lethargic!

I’m not sure what caused this, but I remember where it started – three days ago!

I woke up and thought, ‘Meh!’ in fact I may have made the sounds to go with it.

For months I’ve been trying to write a short story, it’s in my head. I know everything about the character, but I can’t get her to speak. She’s a devious woman, don’t feel sorry for her.

I guess it set it further and deeper than before, my PhD is now HD, and I feel the pressure even more.

All I wish to do is improve upon my grammar and punctuation, the way I speak words with my voice, my pronunciation and elocution. I know my strengths, my weaknesses, my opportunities and threats! I know my friends from my foes, to the superheroes above me.

I see my pathway, my purpose and feel my heart roar inside of me.

Little did I know that I would fall in love with the pen.

Blue ink pressed on paper, with Crow as my main friend.

I feel the jagged edges of the mountain pierce my skin, I know the literary world was destined for me – the only world I fit in.

I don’t speak much about how I feel, or why I feel how I feel when I do. Because people often hurt me and I don’t want people to form part of you!

I know myself.

I hear my mind and see the clarity within my heart.

I know Creative Writing is the only writing I’ll love eternally every part.