Tag: Truth

Under the Rock

From Under the Rock

Intuitively, I’ve thought about people who I no longer associate with. They’ve crossed my mind lately, as I was the one that cut them off and walked away.

This decision ranges across a variety of different events/scenarios; however, the reason remains the same, ‘I’m responsible for my happiness.’

Please note: I hold no remorse over the above, for I am happier and more relaxed. *Yes, I closed friendships where I believed at the time; it was one that will remain forever. I’m sure it’s common for many of us to think of those that no longer exist within our lives. I know factually that I’m not the only one. Some of the objects that were strong connections to those people, I’ve discarded; I don’t like to keep negative energy sources around me.

Why? You may ask. Or you may assume I’m a selfish person? Either way, your opinion on my choices bare no attention from me. However, I will construct a form of an answer?

People who are overly negative, inherently toxic, stagnant or outright duplicitous, I remove myself from their lives. – I don’t have the energy to be mystified with negativity on the continuous rotating ring of hell.

I wish Rona aka COVID-19 would fuck right off, but I must point out the insight they have given to me. I hear from those who genuinely care for me in this weird time.

Those that don’t care, I won’t ever hear from, but neither will you.

The cockroaches and cretin from under the rocks are coming out in full force. ‘Hey Unique, long time no see! How are you? You crossed my mind today.’

It’s beautiful how our minds work, we are all the same, yet we are all intricately different. Only, we are linked in ways we are still learning.

Questions form as I ignore the calls.

Delete the messages.

Spam the e-mails.

‘Do you miss me, really?’

‘Is this the social version of the last supper?’

In this life, I keep repeating the above actions.

In that alternate universe, I pour lava over the rocks that rumble and Crow sings a sweet song.

Empty

Empty

I’ve never felt so alone, through the meat to my bones, I’ve never felt so empty.

I feel like I reside on the wall inside art by Dali.

Yet, here I hang alone in an empty gallery. No eyes on me.

21 days isolation, extended on Friday I bet.

Although, betting is futile in a world of social-distancing. My purse remains untouched.

Peace

📸Unsplash

Peace has finally arrived.

No more will I hear your customised chime.

No longer will I see your name showcased in my notifications.

For too long, I have entertained you, stroking your ego with lies.

Pretending I care just to extend my presence.

Peace has finally been received.

I removed you from my life, thus eradicating you from my purpose.

Crow will ensure you never contact me again.

Unless you wish to lose all your fingernails.

Open Me

📸: Unique’s email notifications

Open Me

16.01.2020

Hey Unique,

I’m sending this email as I’ve noticed that you haven’t replied to any of my messages.

Why haven’t you responded?

Are you upset with me?

Have I done something to upset you?

I really hope you do reply! I’ve been wondering if you would like to meet up for lunch? Or maybe we could go for cocktails this weekend. But if you prefer lunch, then I do too.

Can’t wait to hear back from you.

Xo

**Meanwhile

Unique sits on a train heading up north to Edinburgh. She is sipping on Innocent orange juice while reading My Sister the Serial Killer.

Her phone is on flight mode.

Unique is listening to Beethoven, unbothered by life outside her mind.

YOU

📸: Unsplash

‘I’ve moved on.’ – YOU

To This Day:

You want my time.

You want my space.

You want my mind.

You want my comfort.

You need my magic.

You need my energy.

You need my positivity.

You need me. Period.

You peer into my world, with your trojan messages. FAIL.

You send me photos of yourself.

YOU send me photos of yourself.

You send photos of yourself that have no real purpose.

You send me voice notes.

You send me videos.

You want to meet up.

I never asked for any of this. I remember stating, ‘we can’t be friends, we can’t be anything. Let’s leave US right here.’

You want to remain friends.

You want to be here for me.

You want nothing to change between us.

You want us to keep our connection.

I hear crow whisper ‘deception, transgression, manipulation, inequitable reward.’

To This Day – YOU

Still

📸: Pixabay

[05:36, 06/01/2020] Unique: Still

Time stands still.

In my mind.

I’ve woken up daily for five months, hoping that everything between us would heal.

Everything.

I’ve checked my phone every night, hoping you’ll be in touch.

(You used to touch my mind all the time)

Today I woke up and accepted our friendship died last year.

I know you said you wanted to remain friends, and I know I wasn’t sure about that. (Felt weird)

I know our friendship no longer exists, like the woolly mammoth it walked out one day to forage for food and never returned.

And I accept that.

I do.

I’m sorry.

I know you wanted more than anything to keep our connection.

It was so pure, real, needed!

‘It was!’

Our bonsai tree requires care and attention. The leaves have long since faded and the roots refuse to absorb the nutrients.

I remember watching a leaf drop, only one.

The next day they had all fallen.

I remember when we were in touch with each other, every day/night.

Then every few days.

Then at least once a week.

Still.

Today I woke up and accepted our friendship faded back in 2019.

The moment that thought was let through the acceptance trial, I cried profusely.

You saved me.

I’ll always feel honoured you found me when you did.

As I write this on the 6th of January 2020, my heart hurts. My tears are fast and constant, that blinking still leaves my vision blurry.

Still

You’ll remain a continuous thought in my mind. I’ll always wonder how you’re doing and I’ll hope that ‘you’re okay.’

Still

It took me months to erase our conversation on WhatsApp. Remember our first exchange and then compare it to our last – I apologise.

I take peace in knowing I was there for you when you needed me.

I relish the comfort in the belief ‘Que Sera!’

The future is not mine to see.

Still

With you, I wanted to see everything.

‘Que Sera’

But whatever will be, will be.

Still

Our universe connected us in ways we never knew existed.

I appreciate the sentiment when you initiate contact and send a message via WhatsApp.

Seeing a video specifically for our conversation is alien.

Hearing a voice note from you, where you state my name is alien.

Although, those lil messages I found sweet.

I still miss our bond from day one.

I’ll never block your number, the conversation will always be open by phone. (I acknowledge ours is borderline extinction)

Our universe advised me not to become so cold.

I know you’ll need me soon.

The ice steals from fear, and my anxiety was losing you.

Still

I woke up this morning and accepted you left back in 2019

I woke up, and my heartfelt heavy with magic.

I have no regrets.

Still

There are people on this earth that completely cut off.

I know that’s not us.

I’m saying wherever you are, wherever I go, you will always have space here.

Still

I’m putting this into the universe because I trust our complexities.

I trust my heart.

I trust my choices.

I believe in my purpose.

I have strength.

I have energy.

I have a healthy mind.

I have scope.

I have insight.

I have unique abilities.

I have my heartbeat.

Until we reconnect

Farewell my forever sweet avocado 🥑

Forget Me…Not

📸: Galaxies

Forget my sapphire-blue hair, ruby-red lips and 34DDs.

Forget the calypso of Shea-butter oil, that exudes a sweet aroma from my hair.

Forget how I made you tingle all over, by delivering my honey kisses. When you longed for them, and when you dreamt about them. I always delivered.

Forget the moments of calm I instilled within a whisper.

Me talking you through the ways in which you will get through.

Me holding you tight and keeping you safe.

Me touching your mind in ways you never knew existed.

Me stroking you for hours and hours.

Not the aspects that you conveniently forgot about.

Not the conversations that floated off our tongues and into the universe.

Not the connection that was felt from our first exchange.

Not the star we built, shared and lost.

Forget me…not

I Never Existed

📸: Pixabay

You imagined a saviour.

You found me and I saved you.

You needed comforting.

You called me and I held you.

You desired to be loved.

You kissed me and I loved you. In a way that was real enough.

You needed your heart repairing.

You held me and I stitched the fragments back together.

You wanted peace and quiet

You expressed your wishes and I let you fall asleep on my thighs.

You had headaches and they stunned you each time.

You spoke of head massages and I massaged your mind.

You attempted to drown yourself.

I raced over and pulled you out of death. I performed first-aid and you choked, between your tears. We sat in silence, until your mind was here and not down there.

You abandoned me…like I never existed.

I Died First

📸: Pixabay

‪I died 1st‬

‪I woke, I worried, I wondered, I fed.‬
‪I worried more.‬
‪I pondered.‬
‪I identified. I stressed.‬

‪I tapped, I thought.‬

‪I cried. I cried. I imploded, I scowled. ‬
‪I was vex.‬
‪It was a mess.‬

‪You had lied.‬

‪I dispatched our connect.‬

‪She died 1st.‬

‪#Poetry #CreativeWriting‬

You Can’t See Me

📸: Unsplash

We are two people.‬

‪Separate.‬

When together we form one. (Ish)

Hugs everlasting and memorable.

Warm.

Secure.

Until I got scared and lied to you.

I lied profusely.

I invented stories.

I acted, by reacting to things what I said happened.

I made sure you saw everything.

All I wanted was more of this.

Instead it dwindled.

I transformed into a honey badger and clawed away at your ankles until they snapped and you fell.

I ran away.

I shrunk myself down and grew long black wings. I felt more balanced and well rounded.

I flew through the forest and found you eating wild mushrooms.

I saw bandages holding your ankles blood supply in tact. I shuddered at what I put you through.

I flew on.

And on.

And on.

Until my heart stopped! I fell from the sky disgracefully. Right into an area of quicksand.

You can’t see me.