Secrets are Secret

Photo credit: Unsplash

Have you ever felt so strong that if you were shot, you could take it?

Like right here, right now.

BANG!

Through the centre of my heart, a bullet made from diamond pieced through.

My love for you poured out, crimson in colour, the temperature was the body.

Are you comfortable enough?

My heart is now faulty.

Pain, what pain? I’m too shocked to notice.

Eyes closed I hear your voice, ‘Unique, stay with me, baby.’

Like a baby, I lay helpless.

But I love this shade of red, it suits me.

You always looked impeccable in a suit darling, always.

I feel the warmth of your whisky infused breath, upon my eyebrows.

‘You can’t leave me Unique, we have a whole future together!’

I wonder if you noticed the expiry date when we joined up?

Thinking ‘forever’ never means the definition.

I found that out twenty seconds ago.

Have you ever felt so powerful, that if you were shot at, they would miss?

Rat-ta-ta-tah

(Pop, pop, Pop)

A bullet scrapes by the side of my neck. But you’re alright darling, that’s all that matters.

‘Unique, I love you with all my heart.’

My heart bleeds out, air drifts away from me.

I can’t feel your breathing anymore, I struggle to open my eyes.

I know I’m dying.

Rat-ta-tah!

‘Unique, I’m sorry baby. You know I love you, I do.’

Rah-ta-ta-tah, Rah-ta-ta-tah!

(Pop, pop, pop)

Every time you come around.

I take a few steps back, you make ten strides forward.

I tell you no.

You answer for me.

I lay motionless with a 5cm hole through my heart.

The beats are fading out.

Every time.

You return like the predicted coming of Jesus.

Only you’re here, right now.

BANG!

My brown eyes open the moment the bullet cuts into the skin between my eyebrows.

Breathing

My sun, my moon, my peace.

Everything I did was for you.

My moon, my sun, I sleep.

Everything you did was for you.

Never again will I see, never again will I feel.

Once loved, twice shot.

Twice shot, lovers plot.

11:11

Lovers plot? What’s the essence?

To kill for love, to kill equates to no sense.

No senses are working, I’m sorry.

Time of death.

‘I’m sorry, Unique! Please don’t die. I don’t know what came over me. I never wanted you to leave me. I’m sorry.’

He cradles my body and his tears and hysterics shower me with wasted energy.

‘I, I only wanted you to be mine. I wanted you to love me, just like I love you. Look, I wanted us to get married.’

He picks up the diamond ring from the side of my thigh and pushes it onto my ring finger.

He presses his lips upon mine and somehow ignores the blood that covering my Ruby Woo.

‘I panicked. Please, GOD! Please don’t let her die.’

His phone beeps.

He sends a reply.

He looks at pictures of us taken yesterday.

Plays the video

‘I wish we could spend the rest of our lives together, just us.’

‘I do too, baby girl.’

He phones the police.

Secrets are Secret

Who Do You Love, Are You Sure?

Before

I fell in love with a man that ticked all the boxes.

My list went on forever, about a meter in length, Time New Roman, font size 10.

He lived alone, knew how to drive and earned a decent wage. Our first date was near the beach, and it all began with a wave – Hey Unique.

I had high expectations, which he met and surpassed. He was health-conscious, earth-conscious and his positivity was unmatched.

Did we ever fall in love? No. But I was sure then he was my happily ever after.

After

I fell in love with a man that externally was a catch for all.

My list was crippled by my internal anxiety. I told myself I was never good enough for him.

I made sure I was there.

He drove, cycled, owned his own apartment, cooked, earned a wealthy wage and was polite.

He made me believe I was never good enough, by the silence he often bestowed. He used to pick me up so high, love me and drop me like a bag of plastic tossed into the sea.

As I’m sinking, I see his menacing glare, but before I’m fully submerged, he would pick me up and embrace me. He would hold me so tightly, felt like he would never let go.

My expectations bounced from one end to the other – this man loves me? No. We just fucked like passionate lovers.

Who Do You Love, Are You Sure?

‘Who do you love, are you sure?’ – LL Cool J

We love one another, we sometimes love ourselves.

We’ve loved many others, before and after tales.

Emotions are draining and powerful at the same time, emotions are unpredictable, and even then, they’re all beautiful.

I was sure about before, I was sure about after, now in my future, I look back, and I’m past that.

I loved him then, and there ever after. That was at the time, I knew nothing past that.

Currently

I became friends with a fellow creative, we both adore the art of writing.

Infrequently exploring the universe together, amidst our surrounding circles of blended passion and lightening.

Our bond is beautiful, and I must tell you so, I know I love this man and I know, he’ll never know.

‘I wish we met years ago!’

I wish the same things too.

Writing these words right now, and I only want to correspond with you. ‘I do.’

I’m as sure as my heart beats, I know my emotion so. I’ll always be here for you and my words you should know.

To build a connection, created from our starlight, our universe is ours, and forever we shall illuminate.

Who do I love? You, my love.

Are you sure? Unconditionally.

Who do I love? Blue, I love blue.

Are you sure? Like the depths of the ocean.

Who do I love? You, I love you.

Are you sure? Yes.

Who Do You Love, Are You sure?

Never Call Me

Photo credit: Unsplash

Online.

24 hours in one day.

Online.

Boing-boing, boing-boing.

Framed that shot, that convo, our hot conversations. My battery died! I’m, well I’m awfully sorry.

Yesterday, we floated amongst the unknown and kissed beneath the stars. We rode through red lights, quickly.

Online.

Boing-boing, boing-boing.

‘Ssh!’

‘Stop it. I thought you cared about me?’

Boing-boing, boing-boing.

MUTE.

Last month we drank marijuana, hey! Rebels in essence and kind. Last month I fell in love with absenteeism, vegetable soup and ghost.

‘I had hope in my mind? I had hope.’

Online.

Nothing.

Online.

Titbits are fed to the dragon every 24 hours.

Oh, my God! You’re here! ‘Hey baby, I’ve missed you. I’ve missed us…I…’

Blue ticks.

Right.

Okay.

Online.

But last week we, well?

No worries.

Online.

Boing-boing, boing-boing.

Silent Mode – But I keep checking.

I had hoped we would remain here, not there or there, definitely not there. But here, in our safe place.

Online

Finally asleep – You take my hand, and we walk through fields of sunflowers. The sun is rising, and our hearts beat in sync. We never talk, you never call me, we speak through our shared universe.

The sunflowers sway around us, the pollen makes me sneeze. It’s you, it’s all, it’s all yours, I fall to my knees.

Bee’s swarm above us, judgement, confliction, negotiation, redemption and reward.

You join me and hold me, kiss my forehead and connect. Deep blue flames burst out of we, for we one of the same.

Flawed, flawless, I care? Do I not? No!

Boing-boing, boing-boing.

That sound louder than before.

The dragon roars, the dragon soars, the dragon waits and sometimes mourns.

The flames burn us, cremated thorough and deep. Our ashes mixed in with earth soil for our love never sleeps. The roots are replenished, and the sun is due to set, every second together we bore no boredom or regrets.

Feel my heart.

Touch my soul.

Lick my…

Do you remember how the wind took us up to the stars? Do you recall how many times, we conversed about going that far?

The overnight guidance and the bond stuck and remain. My heart plays truant, this time and once again.

Online

MUTE

This should prevent the growth continuing, that impending motion of love or something?

I swear, I feel…I can’t lie to you.

I promise forever means forever and ever is equal to two.

My dreams go on for hours and hours I lay in vain, for I want what I want when I want it. But the mind is known for playing games.

Updates!

Yes and no.

I’ve loved you from that moment our hearts coincided with vibrations and said hello!

Online

Boing-boing, boing-boing.

‘I’m here, I’m not. I’m going.’

Mixed emotions, high emotions, so emotional it’s annoying.

The other day I ran away, I found a lake and stepped in. It flowed by the field of sunflowers, our real end, and where true love begins.

I love you.

iRead: Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allan Poe

Was it possible they heard not? Almighty God! – no, no! They heard! – they suspected! – they knew! – they were making a mockery of my horror! – This I thought, and this, I think. But anything was better than this agony! Anything was more tolerable than this derision! I could bear those hypocritical smiles for no longer! I felt that I must scream or die! And now – again! – Hark! Louder! Louder! Louder! Louder!

“Villains!” I shrieked, “dissemble no more! I admit the deed! – Tear up the planks! Here, here! – It is the beating of his hideous heart!” – The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allan Poe

Our sins

Many of us spend a lot of time depleting our energy, over situations we have caused. We plummet our thoughts into a downward spiral of negative thinking. We slap the blame upon the heads of those around us, but we never take ownership of our ‘own’ actions.

Why do many of us select the option to remove others, rather than to naturally and wisely, remove ourselves?

Think for a moment about all the times a situation has occurred, and we do the following:

Broadcast it to others (remember we’re involved in the events unfolding.)
Omit the part we played that caused this to happen.
Highlight to the masses that ‘I’m so shocked and angry!’ But fail to own up to how we are the cause.

Why do we choose, yes, choose! To inflict pain and suffering onto others? Why not simply remove ourselves from the situation and live our best lives?

I want you to remember that in the short-term, you may wish to fulfil the urge and push through with your negative actions. However, I must remind you that the ‘same’ actions/choices will bring on the same results. Your negative actions will wink at you like the evil eye, and you’ll forever be tethered to your own negative assumptions.

You have the choice, the option the awareness to walk away from negativity. You have the option to redirect your energy into positive opportunities.

iRead: The Red Shoes by Hans Christian Anderson

‘In the middle of the village lived Old Mother Shoemaker. She took some old scraps of red cloth and did her best to make them into a little pair of shoes. They were a bit clumsy, but well meant, for she intended to give them to the little girl.’ (Hans Christian Anderson)

Very often, I see/hear ‘witness’ others complain about what they have. And not show appreciation for what they’ve got. ‘I need a new phone!’ Although, their current phone was released 8 months ago and purchased via contract 3 months later. ‘I need a new phone.’

Homelessness is very high across the United Kingdom, but what is the definition of United, when we can’t spare some change, but we do produce £79+ for a pair of Jordans. *Although, we already have 4 pairs in excellent condition at home. Home! Our Kingdom…

Gratitude: the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

iRead: The Children of Hameln by Grimm Brothers

‘Now that the citizens had been freed of their plague, they regretted having promised so much money, and, using all kinds of excuses, they refused to pay him. Finally, he went away, bitter and angry.’ (Grimm)

This is an accurate reflection of today’s society, people like to take, take, take and not even display a tit-bit of GRATITUDE.

Do you come across this often? People will contact you when they’re in need. ‘You know, I never like to ask you for anything, and I will pay you back right away.’ They never say, ‘How are you doing Unique?’ Well not unless they ‘need’ something from me.

And when you ask for them to pay back, or you tell them you need help, they vanish like rats being led by the Pied Piper! The thing is, I would instead they were straight up from the jump-off and told me, ‘I can’t pay you back for 6 months. Etc.’ Instead I get the characters from Grimms short story, playing real roles, asking real favours and regretting to pay up afterwards.

‘Life is NOT a rehearsal!’

Nice lines

I just came across a nice line in this book.

Stress & Wonderland

Lately I’ve been so stressed out, panel meeting, work, family life and my personal time…it’s all never ending and often, I forget to take a moment out to breathe and a day off from being a prisoner of time.

It’s all to that I encounter time-thieves! They come along, smiling like the cat from Alice in Wonderland luring me in with ‘it will only take five minutes,’ then stealing 40. I struggle to say no, which is a weakness. When I do say no, it falls upon deaf ears. And tension mounts up and stress rages internally…but I smile with such grace and silence.

Today I treated myself to two new books: Glamorama by Bret Easton Ellis & Gun Machine by Warren Ellis.

Gun Machine was recommended to me by the Sales Associate in Waterstones – I read a few pages and was impressed.

I later returned home and made beef burgers, lettuce, ketchup and a white bread bun, all Marks & Spencer such a delicious collection in my mouth. Now I lay upon my bed, covered in a beach towel and drifting off to wonderland…

Unique

#BrokenBritain

I voted to remain IN the EU yesterday. It’s shocking that many voted OUT based on immigration and being afraid of religion(s) shocking because many of you have parents/grandparents that are ‘officially immigrants.’ It’s a shame that ignorance and lack of basic knowledge, influenced masses of people to vote OUT! Following others like herds of sheep…
You all better hope that people like Nigel Farage, Borris Johnson and that dickhead Trump don’t come into power! As it is clear that if they do, the UK will face further repercussions.
That treatment/medicine you or a loved one may currently be receiving is more than likely EU founded and FUNDED! if these big businesses pull out of the UK Then job losses are inevitable! No one is safe…and don’t assume you can flitter back to benefits, if the pound is down and businesses remove interest from our country, then what do we have left to make money and raise or encourage economic growth? Nothing!
Our country was once independent and strong, times have changed now people and you had better hope that current UK leaders are able to negotiate a decent ‘exit trade deals’ or the UK will truly be fucked.
Those that will struggle and pull through are those with common sense. The rest of you and the ones that wasted their votes will suffer the biggest losses. And if/when push comes to shove you better believe I’m looking out for mine.
This is what happens when people only follow the media and random hashtags, and fail to educate themselves on what could happen on a scale this big.
And FYI to all those immigrant haters – immigrants contribute MORE to the UK than take. It’s only a very small percentage that have benefits – but wouldn’t you? If your country was in war and you had no where to go and nothing, not a penny to your name! Would you seek accommodation elsewhere and hope they can get you on your feet?
Many of my closest friends are from somewhere within the EU, some of my lecturers, mentors, GPs, colleagues are EU born…that does not phase me! I’m proud of them.
What ever happened to humanity? And the irony is if the UK can’t save itself from this mess, most of you will be looking to IMMIGRATE to the EU!