Who Do You Love, Are You Sure?

Photo credit: Pixabay

Before

I fell in love with a man that ticked all the boxes.

My list went on forever, about a meter in length, Time New Roman, font size 10.

He lived alone, knew how to drive and earned a decent wage. Our first date was near the beach, and it all began with a wave – Hey Unique.

I had high expectations, which he met and surpassed. He was health-conscious, earth-conscious and his positivity was unmatched.

Did we ever fall in love? No. But I was sure then he was my happily ever after.

After

I fell in love with a man that externally was a catch for all.

My list was crippled by my internal anxiety. I told myself I was never good enough for him.

I made sure I was there.

He drove, cycled, owned his own apartment, cooked, earned a wealthy wage and was polite.

He made me believe I was never good enough, by the silence he often bestowed. He used to pick me up so high, love me and drop me like a bag of plastic tossed into the sea.

As I’m sinking, I see his menacing glare, but before I’m fully submerged, he would pick me up and embrace me. He would hold me so tightly, felt like he would never let go.

My expectations bounced from one end to the other – this man loves me? No. We just fucked like passionate lovers.

Who Do You Love, Are You Sure?

‘Who do you love, are you sure?’ – LL Cool J

We love one another, we sometimes love ourselves.

We’ve loved many others, before and after tales.

Emotions are draining and powerful at the same time, emotions are unpredictable, and even then, they’re all beautiful.

I was sure about before, I was sure about after, now in my future, I look back, and I’m past that.

I loved him then, and there ever after. That was at the time, I knew nothing past that.

Currently

I became friends with a fellow creative, we both adore the art of writing.

Infrequently exploring the universe together, amidst our surrounding circles of blended passion and lightening.

 Our bond is beautiful, and I must tell you so, I know I love this man and I know, he’ll never know.

‘I wish we met years ago!’

I wish the same things too.

Writing these words right now, and I only want to correspond with you. ‘I do.’

I’m as sure as my heart beats, I know my emotion so. I’ll always be here for you and my words you should know.

To build a connection, created from our starlight, our universe is ours, and forever we shall illuminate.

Who do I love? You, my love.

Are you sure? Unconditionally.

Who do I love? Blue, I love blue.

Are you sure? Like the depths of the ocean.

Who do I love? You, I love you.

Are you sure? Yes.

Who Do You Love, Are You sure?

Never Call Me

Photo credit: Unsplash

Online.

24 hours in one day.

Online.

Boing-boing, boing-boing.

Framed that shot, that convo, our hot conversations. My battery died! I’m, well I’m awfully sorry.

 

Yesterday, we floated amongst the unknown and kissed beneath the stars. We rode through red lights, quickly.

Online.

Boing-boing, boing-boing.

‘Ssh!’

‘Stop it. I thought you cared about me?’

Boing-boing, boing-boing.

MUTE.

 

Last month we drank marijuana, hey! Rebels in essence and kind. Last month I fell in love with absenteeism, vegetable soup and ghost.

‘I had hope in my mind? I had hope.’

 

Online.

Nothing.

 

Online.

Titbits are fed to the dragon every 24 hours.

 

Oh, my God! You’re here! ‘Hey baby, I’ve missed you. I’ve missed us…I…’

Blue ticks.

Right.

Okay.

 

Online.

But last week we, well?

No worries.

 

Online.

Boing-boing, boing-boing.

Boing-boing, boing-boing.

Boing-boing, boing-boing.

Silent Mode – But I keep checking.

 

I had hoped we would remain here, not there or there, definitely not there. But here, in our safe place.

 

Online

Finally asleep – You take my hand, and we walk through fields of sunflowers. The sun is rising, and our hearts beat in sync. We never talk, you never call me, we speak through our shared universe.

The sunflowers sway around us, the pollen makes me sneeze. It’s you, it’s all, it’s all yours, I fall to my knees.

Bee’s swarm above us, judgement, confliction, negotiation, redemption and reward.

You join me and hold me, kiss my forehead and connect. Deep blue flames burst out of we, for we one of the same.

Flawed, flawless, I care? Do I not? No!

Boing-boing, boing-boing.

That sound louder than before.

 

The dragon roars, the dragon soars, the dragon waits and sometimes mourns.

 

The flames burn us, cremated thorough and deep. Our ashes mixed in with earth soil for our love never sleeps. The roots are replenished, and the sun is due to set, every second together we bore no boredom or regrets.

Feel my heart.

Touch my soul.

Lick my…

Do you remember how the wind took us up to the stars? Do you recall how many times, we conversed about going that far?

The overnight guidance and the bond stuck and remain. My heart plays truant, this time and once again.

Online

MUTE

This should prevent the growth continuing, that impending motion of love or something?

I swear, I feel…I can’t lie to you.

I promise forever means forever and ever is equal to two.

My dreams go on for hours and hours I lay in vain, for I want what I want when I want it. But the mind is known for playing games.

 

Updates!

Yes and no.

 

I’ve loved you from that moment our hearts coincided with vibrations and said hello!

 

Online

Boing-boing, boing-boing.

‘I’m here, I’m not. I’m going.’

Mixed emotions, high emotions, so emotional it’s annoying.

 

The other day I ran away, I found a lake and stepped in. It flowed by the field of sunflowers, our real end, and where true love begins.

 

I love you.

I Know

I know how to count, so I’m counting.

Addition, subtraction no reaction.

 

I know how to read so I’m reading, the messages you don’t send so I’m guessing.

I know how to think so I’m assuming, no contact in forms is just ruining.

 

In comparison to us at the beginning, we’re nothing right now you’re just sinning

Our beginning was flourish with no blots. Now I’m connecting all dots, you’ve just stopped!

 

Ruining connections, you keep stepping, over my thoughts expressing passive aggression.

Online many times just seeking, I see the signs many times I’ve been peeping.

It’s been a while, so you dial because you creeping.

Bitch claims to be stalled, so you call, shit is seeping.

 

I know how to connect, so I’ve disconnected. Those callbacks you speak of keep requesting.

My investment can’t invest, so I’m missing. Staring out my rearview is a blessing.

Like Amy I’m Gone Girl, I’m transparent. Everything on the peripheral is apparent.

I wondered if I’m at fault, I’m impatient. But your actions I speak of, I’m just saying. You could do better, but you’re playing.

Emotional intelligence is a blessing, I know this emotion, I’ve faded.

@Dame_Unique

iRead: Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allan Poe

Was it possible they heard not? Almighty God! – no, no! They heard! – they suspected! – they knew! – they were making a mockery of my horror! – This I thought, and this, I think. But anything was better than this agony! Anything was more tolerable than this derision! I could bear those hypocritical smiles for no longer! I felt that I must scream or die! And now – again! – Hark! Louder! Louder! Louder! Louder!

“Villains!” I shrieked, “dissemble no more! I admit the deed! – Tear up the planks! Here, here! – It is the beating of his hideous heart!” – The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allan Poe

 

Our sins

Many of us spend a lot of time depleting our energy, over situations we have caused. We plummet our thoughts into a downward spiral of negative thinking. We slap the blame upon the heads of those around us, but we never take ownership of our ‘own’ actions.

Why do many of us select the option to remove others, rather than to naturally and wisely, remove ourselves?

Think for a moment about all the times a situation has occurred, and we do the following:

  • Broadcast it to others (remember we’re involved in the events unfolding.)
  • Omit the part we played that caused this to happen.
  • Highlight to the masses that ‘I’m so shocked and angry!’ But fail to own up to how we are the cause.

 

Why do we choose, yes, choose! To inflict pain and suffering onto others? Why not simply remove ourselves from the situation and live our best lives?

I want you to remember that in the short-term, you may wish to fulfil the urge and push through with your negative actions. However, I must remind you that the ‘same’ actions/choices will bring on the same results. Your negative actions will wink at you like the evil eye, and you’ll forever be tethered to your own negative assumptions.

You have the choice, the option the awareness to walk away from negativity. You have the option to redirect your energy into positive opportunities.

iRead: The Red Shoes by Hans Christian Anderson

‘In the middle of the village lived Old Mother Shoemaker. She took some old scraps of red cloth and did her best to make them into a little pair of shoes. They were a bit clumsy, but well meant, for she intended to give them to the little girl.’ (Hans Christian Anderson)

Very often, I see/hear ‘witness’ others complain about what they have. And not show appreciation for what they’ve got. ‘I need a new phone!’ Although, their current phone was released 8 months ago and purchased via contract 3 months later. ‘I need a new phone.’

Homelessness is very high across the United Kingdom, but what is the definition of United, when we can’t spare some change, but we do produce £79+ for a pair of Jordans. *Although, we already have 4 pairs in excellent condition at home. Home! Our Kingdom…

Gratitude: the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

iRead: The Children of Hameln by Grimm Brothers

‘Now that the citizens had been freed of their plague, they regretted having promised so much money, and, using all kinds of excuses, they refused to pay him. Finally, he went away, bitter and angry.’ (Grimm)

This is an accurate reflection of today’s society, people like to take, take, take and not even display a tit-bit of GRATITUDE.

Do you come across this often? People will contact you when they’re in need. ‘You know, I never like to ask you for anything, and I will pay you back right away.’ They never say, ‘How are you doing Unique?’ Well not unless they ‘need’ something from me.

And when you ask for them to pay back, or you tell them you need help, they vanish like rats being led by the Pied Piper! The thing is, I would instead they were straight up from the jump-off and told me, ‘I can’t pay you back for 6 months. Etc.’ Instead I get the characters from Grimms short story, playing real roles, asking real favours and regretting to pay up afterwards.

‘Life is NOT a rehearsal!’

Our Universe: Ask and I will tell

Last week Tuesday, after a bout of depression (?) I meditated with my crystals and asked the universe to deliver. I thanked our universe for all the gifts that it has provided to me and expressed my gratitude. I believe that we are all connected, in more ways than one. I trust that once we open our minds up, we will be phenomenal together.

We are all connected. Trust in yourself and your ability to be sensational. Encourage positive actions and promote positive energy. 

Channel negative chi skyward and allow our universe to transform it.

Embrace the feel of the earth beneath your feet, inhale deeply and exhale all the negative feelings you’ve been having. Trust in yourself and ask our universe.

I wholeheartedly trust in our universe.

I am intelligent.

I am beautiful.

I am reliable.

I am determined.

I am creative.

I am original.

Dear Universe,

I’m thankful for everything you have done for me.

Unique

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spotless Mind

I was listening to Spotless Mind by Jhene Aiko earlier.

Change is inevitable
Why hold on to what you have to let go of?
Like, did I really break your heart?
Was it all my fault?
If you don’t knock it off
You know like I know where this was headed
I’m a wanderer
I’m a wanderer, baby
I’m a wanderer
I’m a wanderer

 

It made me think about how I sometimes approach parts of my life. I’m naturally analytical and often think about ‘all possible’ outcomes before deciding to take action. And usually, the effect is that I do nothing.

But as the first line highlights, ‘Change is inevitable.’ Meaning no matter what you choose to do in life, Change is inevitable. You can choose whether or not you wish to participate. However, if you don’t join, time goes by, and you miss out on experiences and experience in life.

The next sentence, ‘why hold onto what you have you have to let go of?‘ Infrequently I fear to let go of things, that I have become accustomed to. I often think about ways in which I can hold onto something, just in case the new situation, leads to failure.

However, I’m learning that sometimes you have to just cut things out and walk over to the next. You can’t live your life in fear of living! Be bold, be courageous and live your best life.

Simply put, there is no point in roaming around/online venting about all the negative strands of your life. ‘You know like I know where this was headed.‘

Go out there and be a wanderer, nourish your needs, wants and desires. Irrigate your confidence and cultivate a spotless mind.

Unique

Privileged Capsules

We share the same space, as society infrequently places us together. Seated close by, we talk and exchange pleasantries.

You’ve had an easier upbringing, on the backs of my ancestors. I’ve had a challenging one, in the face of yours.

Yet you travel the world, in capsules of extra income. That you get from having a step up on the many backs, that have broken a billion times over.

You sit next to me, across from and around me. Vocalising how my culture is! What you learnt from my mother land and how I should do this and that.

Anything you want, you get without having to consult the universe. You’re aware of your privileges as you enjoy it every day. You bask in the glory of the souls you crush and the opportunities you steal – you know, the ones you were never interested in, but took, because you can?

I graft each day and work 10 times harder than the 7 capsules around me. Yet, they sail by and beyond…

Friends – Real Friends

Remember those long conversations with friends. Conversations that make you laugh, cry and almost pass out through lack of air.

Remember when you dream about doing something and those same friends say, ‘that’s impossible! You should just stick to working and work your way up in the company.’

Remember those friends that vanished when you needed their support? When you fell down, into a ditch that was filled with thorns of steel. They looked over the edge and turned their backs – Who wants to be that friend?

 

I

When I needed you all the most you abandoned me. I called out and I heard a rodent of some kind, gnawing away at the bones you left in your wake.

 

Sparkle

When it rains glitter on me, I see your eyes beam and shine in my direction. You smile and hit me up with a few plagiarised, overshared text messages. Then comes the invitation to lunch.

‘No thank you.’

Friends – Real friends, are people that stay around. Even though a load shit is dumped on top of me. Whilst I try to climb out of this ditch.

Even now, the only friend – the real friend I have, is Me, Myself & I.