You kissed me and I
loved you. In a way that was real enough.
You needed your
heart repairing.
You held me and I
stitched the fragments back together.
You wanted peace and
quiet
You expressed your
wishes and I let you fall asleep on my thighs.
You had headaches
and they stunned you each time.
You spoke of head
massages and I massaged your mind.
You attempted to
drown yourself.
I raced over and pulled you out of death. I performed first-aid and you choked, between your tears. We sat in silence, until your mind was here and not down there.
Friendships: I learnt that I don’t need years upon years to call someone a friend. I’ve met some fantastic people this year, and I’m happy that they’re in my life.
Discussions: In 2020, I won’t be discussing the following aspects of my life – love, finances and challenges. I found through talking about such topics, it led to people watering down things and entwining their opinions with that they feel should be my actions.
Advice: This links into the above a little, I won’t be taking any advice on the above. This year, I’ve asked for advice, and it’s all been nonsense. I’ve no time for it.
Creativity: This year, I have tapped into a part of my creativity that has allowed me to produce some amazing pieces. (I’m eternally thankful.) I’ve been writing more and I’m both proud and astonished at the short-stories I have created. Some have taken me months to tease out of my mind and translate onto paper.
Reflection: I have a period of reflection every single day. I think about what goals I have completed and plan for the next day. It helps me to relax, as an introvert, I need to use a lot of mental energy, so reflective thinking is beautiful.
Although 2019 will be over in a few hours, I’m not running away from it. I accept it has been a turbulent year for me and with turbulence comes lessons learnt. I’m taking this knowledge into 2020 and building upon it.
Resolutions?
I don’t make resolutions, as goals I set, I start them the day I set them. No point in waiting for New Year’s Eve, life is never guaranteed.
Thank you all for following me on my creative journey, I shall try to post more frequently and read more. I truly appreciate your continuous support.
If not for the endless drivel of replayed news and images with no progress. Then most certainly the shit you text me after hours.
You bring nothing new to the table.
You speak about the same things – which would be fine if the conversation weren’t the exact same! It’s like time has frozen and you only know of the same things.
No growth!
I tire of the alerts on my phone that you need me. When I check it’s the same, I already know before I read anything from you.
‘Hey, Hun, hows u? xx’
‘Nah! I’ve got da flu.’
‘Wanna meet for lunch?’
They all start the same, once I reply you complain…
‘I never hear from her. Bitch! We were fucking best friends.’
‘We should meet for lunch.’
‘You, know so and so are still crap!’
Nothing new in your life.
No changes!
But you still complain about your life, how nothing goes right. Right?
Why I Don’t Fuck with You
I’m a person that grows continuously and shall beyond my time. You live in 2014 and remain chained to 2009. I can’t invest time into rubbish.
So, it shall remain here in 2019
Right here.
I’ve no time for those that replay the songs of idol gossip, or the movies of repeat actions, expecting new results.
Yes, you read that right the first time.
I’ve no time for those that replay the songs of idol gossip, or the movies of repeat actions, expecting new results.
You play credits to 2009 all the time. Because that’s all the time, you think about. You eat pork chops and mash, but ‘act’ shocked when the scales confirm that your weight has increased.
Lunch is always pending…
You speak of it, but it never comes into existence.
You’re always overspending, but that’s okay – as others repeat stupid actions by lending you money. You never learn. Well, you refine ‘the art of entitlement.’
Apologies!
I forgot to note your frequent comments, ‘I’m not going back to work, the government owes me money.’ To all those that are on a continuous spiral of nothingness, walking down the spiralling stairwell of nothingness. ‘Enjoy.’
Why I Don’t Fuck with You?
One day I realised that our ships are unequal. You take, take, take. I give, stop and then give more. You beg, beg, beg, and I ponder over what our minds think about one another…
You talk, and the output is stagnant like the plastic that remains at the bottom of our waters. I speak and bend the narrative, only you sway and revert to repetition. Then I’m trapped!
You are YOU, and at one point in my life, I enjoyed the stale attributes of repeated discussions. I enjoyed bitching about so and so and droning on about shit I never did anything to alter.
It’s 2019 as I type this, Christmas Eve to be exact 05:20 to add better vision.
Amid the midst of it all, I really want to relax and indulge in the warmth of plant-based kisses. Maybe, near a bed of pink roses and ‘Fuck off!’
‘No, you fuck off.’
‘Don’t talk to me, bitch.’
‘Your mom.’
When we paint pictures, they expect them to be pretty. I simply do not give a flying fuck, crawling fuck or a fuck that swims beneath you and bites your leg off.
‘Go fuck yourself!’
I only want to paint the darkness that bleeds out from your lips. What did you say again? Speak up, speak louder! I want your words to drown out the prettiness. Could you slow down and listen to the brush as I paint over your profundities of deplorable actions.
‘For fuck’s sake.’
The sound of your voice is drowned out by the coolness of the water, and the darkness of blood. Squeak no more, squeak no less, rats aren’t the best at swimming.
‘You mother-fucking son of a bitch!’
No worries, we’ve got this. You’re being recorded by many – one hash-tagged your swimsuit as looking cheap and tiresome. But go you.
I want to paint your lips red and then press my lips onto yours, rub my lips into your and blow red kisses. The flow down to the bed of the ocean, where the remains of words past are sprinkled with treasures.
Shells of life once inhabited before – Shells of a soul that once wondered the sands above.
‘Fuck you, fuck your soul, fuck your bones and fuck your words. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.
I once painted a pretty picture, it had bunnies hopping, birds singing, puppies playing and sweeties raining. Oh! How delightful it is, it was. I poured petrol all over it and set it alight. A lie, your lies, up in flames.
Under the glow of the full moon, we see the scope. You’re viral and vermin. The rats welcome you back in glory.
Those dwellers that dwell in the past, beneath the rock that states, ‘I woz ere 2000.’
Why is it that many can’t see and accept when a person changes? The human can become a better person, refining their current skill set and becoming a better person.
I find it a laborious task explaining to someone that most people, ‘thinkers & doers’ alike are groups of people who progress in life.
What am I babbling on about?
Those conversations I’m brought into whereby one party can’t seem to accept, that another does not operate like that anymore. For instance, I gave up eating meat and consuming dairy a few months ago, till this very day I have people say, ‘Why don’t you eat meat like you used to?’
I also never used to date single fathers; however, a recent encounter changed my mind. But I still get those questions!
Why, oh, why? Don’t you do that like you used to?
Are we trying to stunt the growth of a person, to fit our own perceptions that we build within our mind – to keep our own egos satisfied that another person isn’t doing better? (Gee, a mouthful I know.)
The tedious, familiar feeling I have when I must reply. (Not replying comes across as rude)
Why do some of us have this urge to live stagnant lives? Extract the word ‘live’ and replace it with repeat. Why do some of us have this urge to repeat stagnant lives?
We are on Earth, within a multiverse of universes and yet, SOME of US choose to REPEAT stagnant lives. Is this a rant? I would say a mini one.
Maybe I’m not transparent enough? Nah!
I believe some people have become too lazy to think before they plough into a conversation, like a person wearing glass slippers on ice. Or a chef preparing vegan food using meat-based cooking utensils. Or saying you care about climate change while discarding your waste into the ocean and buying a bucket of chicken on the way home.
Like you used to!
Will this stop, not unless they think before they speak. But then who am I to make such a statement? I’m just trying to do my bit in a world where people like to repeat stagnant lives.
Well, rant over!
I hope you see how important it is to vent. Bottling up your annoyance, won’t make it age like fine wine. It will fester and become putrid, like comments from trolls beneath a curvy person posting a beautiful image.
Fester away and attract rats with the smell and stale vibes, of a conversation past due – and poorly placed. Boil away like the multiplication of a Gremlin when wet.
Express yourself, don’t repress yourself.
If you need to rant, then rant. Don’t hold onto it and backpack with it to your tomorrow.
Our lives could end like the male Mayfly – all in a day’s action.
People have tried on many occasions to dissuade me many times,
both close friends and family.
There have even been times where I have believed, they are right,
and I can’t do exactly what I want. Looking back there were a few occasions
where I gave up on pursuing my passion.
It has taken me years to accept that I can remove those
ceilings from my pathway. Which is up! Like a shooting star I shall rise and
soar, and the world will see and feel me.
YEARS!
I’ve always felt this inherent desire about where my life
will go. I’ve known my purpose in life since I was a young child. My journey is
unique to me – I can’t tell you how to get to where you ultimately want to be.
All I can say is that you should focus on your own pathway and listen to your
heart.
What is working for me may only work for one other person.
Or may not work at all.
I’m a firm believer that we all have a purpose in life – I felt
it a few times during my childhood. It’s only now in my adult life that I’ve
accepted it – I’m unique.
You’re Unique, there is no one else quite like you!
This event is happening now, you must trust your energy.
Believe in our universe and take action with your dreams.
You are a creator.
You are important.
You are Unique.
The barriers around you are all a manifestation of negative
energy.
Dilute that until it fades.
One thing I do more now is I step-up to the fear.
I feared telling someone how I felt about them.
I feared leaving.
I feared applying to study at University.
I feared tasting tofu (I know that’s random.)
Our universe is plentiful.
You must believe in yourself – break down your walls and
build your own table.
Remember: People will do everything and more to ruin you. (Consciously
and subconsciously.)
Success does not depend on your existence, it depends on your
actions – believe in yourself.
Don’t just live, learn how to self-manifest.
You are the key, the major key, the ONLY key to your most
sacred dreams.
How many times have you stated, ‘I’m going to start tomorrow,’
and then pushed back?
What are your habits?
Ultimately, they will form the basis of your manifestation.
Don’t run away from your gift! Embrace it. It loves you!
We are not just here to get by and work.
We are here to live and flourish within this life.
We were created to bless the world with our gifts.
You don’t need to have a huge following or likes. You don’t require
approval from anyone else.
Embrace yourself.
Don’t be numbed by employment – work on your passion each
day.
The world wants to share your gift and draw upon the energy
and inspiration.
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